...because in both of us there's always movement, renewal, surprises. I have never known stagnation. Not even introspection has been a still experience... ~Anais Nin
These words have been knocking on the door. Well, more truthfully, pounding their fists, the door being pierced by blades of screams, desperate, panicked begging for release.
I have been undergoing some SERIOUSLY INTENSE soul searching. It's painful -- very, so very painful. And because I cling so tightly to pain = growth and that good comes from bad, I grit my teeth, squint my eyes, clench my fists and work through it. I suffer and grief.
I cannot remember a time in life when I have felt more uncomfortable.
I ache on multiple levels and for a myriad of reasons. I ache for contradictory ideals. I long for opposing reasons of being. Mostly I want to be in solitude for an extended period of time, at a beach with the wind caressing my body, the occasional sting of my hair slapping against my cheek per whip of the wind. I can feel my toes in the moist sand as I sit and look into The Great Beyond.
I clearly am confused.
I clearly do not know what I want.
Those are the only clear things in my life right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment