Sunday, November 27, 2011

Another One Without You

Today's My Dad's birthday.

I cried at church -- like I usually do.

While I knelt in prayer, reflecting on him, tears streaming warmth down my cold cheeks, the same smiling-from-the-white-light vision I had the day he died reappeared to me today.

I smiled.

He's well.

I quit crying.


Love you, Daddy. Still. Always.


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving Dedication to My Mom

Yesterday, I came home to a swept floor, a fried plant tended back to health, a neat and presentable daughter's room. 

Before that, she said yes to watching my kids all day so My Husband and I could work.

Before that, she said yes to watching a sick kid, herself in a constant immunocompromised state of health.

Before that, she's made meal after meal for My Family, fed My Kids whenever there's a time crunch between getting home from work and zipping to extracurricular activities. She's even taken them to the extracurricular activity, and picked them up.

She's been understandably upset when our schedules get crossed.

Me, My Brother, My Father and Mother ~ late 1971

She buys slurpees, gluten-free pasta, black licorice, sunflower seeds -- all for us.

She has given My Family a lot of her love, energy, time and today, I want to specially honor My Mom.  I'm endlessly grateful to have her in my life, and I'm glad my kids have a grandmother in her.  My mom grew up with no mother, didn't know her grandparents. She's survived a long, hard life and overcome a lot of challenges. 

I love her more each day.

Thanks, Mom, for making my life easier. And thanks for all you do for me and My Family.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What's one of your earliest memories?

Being an Army brat, I have very few memories of my childhood at all, but one thing I remember vividly is from when my family lived on Oahu, Hawaii.

I was in elementary school, 3rd-5th, in Hawaii. One year, the whole grade saved newspapers and aluminum cans to earn money to pay for a trip to the Big Island (also named Hawaii, like the state). That trip was a week-long enrichment trip where we learned, among other things, Hawaiian history.

I got to walk across the entire Kilauea Crater, dormant at that time. The sulphur smell is still with me to this day. I also trekked on a black sand beach, saw where royalty lived, learned songs in the Hawaiian language, saw totem poles, danced the hula, and so many other experiences! By far, this memory is my favorite, and honestly, probably my earliest.

I have heard stories and seen pictures of times prior to the Hawaii post, but I cannot say I *remember* them. My "memories" are really re-told stories.

y'know...what you're wondering about. Duh.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Girl Panic!

Remember Cindy Crawford (still my all time favorite!)?
Remember Naomi Campbell?
Remember Duran Duran?
Indulge in the eye candy of "Girl Panic!"
(such a clever twist!)

Sunday, November 20, 2011


He sat there, alone
'Neath the tree for shade
Pondering the cold stone
Atop where she laid.


A couple weeks ago, I drove to the doctor's office.  Along the route, there's a large cemetary. Some plots skirt the outer perimeter of the property along a very busy street -- my route.  As I sped by, I quick glimpse of this haunting, lasting, and - as I see it - sweet, image has not left me.

I immediately wrote this little poem.

I hope I have a visitor or two some day bring a folding chair and sit at my grave.  I pray I have such a legacy.

Friday, November 11, 2011


In the eleventh month....
On the eleventh day
On the eleventh hour

....give thanks.....

Thank you, veterans!

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Favorite Words: KEF

Per dictionary dot com:

kef: a state of drowsy contentment

Language never fails to make me smile.  I am absolutely in love with the fact that a word exists in the English language to describe so succinctly one of my favorite states of being.
BONUS: I will use this word on Words With Friends. If played right, it can be a decent scorer.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Boa's Coming of Age: Shaving Legs

About two weeks ago, it was Red Ribbon Week in the school district where I live. Each day of the week, there was a theme.  One of those days was "dress up like the profession you want to be when you grow up".  My Eldest chose college professor, teaching a very specialized subject of Cherokee Indian language.

She wore a short-sleeved, dark gray sweater-dress that had a cowl neck. Around her waist was a thick elastic black belt, and she wore some mary-jane style shoes.

Later that night, I was informed that some kids "mentioned" to her that she has hairy legs.  She was embarrassed.  She was embarrassed enough to prompt her to ask me to teach her how to shave her legs.

Heaven help me (and you!), My Eldest - which I'll refer to as Boa on occasion - is coming of age. She's trekking into that fabulously maddening journey into puberty.  Someone please make it stop!!  *sob*

This morning, I taught Boa how to shave her legs.


She can't be ready for this! Right? Hell...*I* am not ready for this!!

Boa & I sat on the edge of the tub, just us "women", accompanied by a pink disposable razor, a can of shaving cream, a running faucet, a towel and our brave faces. 

I've never taught anyone to shave before. I didn't think of the bony ankles, the curves of the joint areas.  Therefore, I didn't warn her about the difficulty of shaving around the outer ankle bone.

"Have you ever nicked yourself while shaving, Mommy?" (I love that she called me 'mommy'!! A sign of her childhood still with me -- that little girl sitting next to me!)

"Yep. I have. Lots. You will, too."

And then it happened.

In an instant, I see her beautiful light brown eyes fill with fear, pain, tears as she experienced her first nick -- on the ankle bone. 

I felt awful!

She fought tears and immediately said, "I'm never shaving there!! Never, evaaarrrrrr!"

Furry ankles it will be.

College Drop Out: Failings in Motherhood?

I'm not sure I can experience a worse shame or failure. I'm certainly not inviting the chance to do either or both of those!! I'm simply saying, dropping out of school with my kids in tow is pretty much the lowest of the lows in motherhood for me.

What did my actions teach them? What message did they get from me making the choice to drop my ONE AND ONLY class?

I can only hope they saw a woman who was trying to "do it all", surrender and be humble. I can only hope they saw their mom being in the disposition of accepting that she cannot, indeed, do it all.

My fear is that they learned that it's acceptable to dismiss education.  My anxiety is they learned that their mama is a failure.


Very. Ouch.

Rationally, I know I made the right choice. I feel you reassuring me that "it's not that important", "you'll get back there someday", "you made the right choice", "your kids will understand", etc. My emotions, however, are ruling this aspect of my life and will for a while.