Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Duggar Done Dug Deep

Welp. This Duggar scandal has really gone under the microscope, hasn't it. As well it should.

Josh Duggar has admitted to molesting his siblings and a non-family member. Incest and molestation. Those are very dirty deeds.  

I was thinking about the media and public (over)reaction to, well, almost any story, as well as this one in particular. If I'm looking at this story through a Morality Scope, the guy is in the wrong. He's done a badbad thing. If I'm looking at it through a Christian Lens, I'm thinking he's done the right thing: he's taking accountability for his sin in front of God, he's made amends to his victims, he's been forgiven by his victims and living with the consequences. He says he's a changed man.  We're called as a Christian people to forgive.

But we can't forgive child victimization of any kind.

Are we even supposed to?

We adults - Christian or not - are all called to protect the innocents, the children. Not even in prison do hardened criminals like commingling with molesters. The only prisoners who do are also child predators.

Did any of the Duggars expect that they could issue an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, issue an apology and life as they knew it would move forward? Did they really think they'd be free of public scrutiny and judgement? (Why would public judgement matter if all that matters is what's right with God?)

I'm really conflicted on how to feel about this situation. By what's been reported, Josh did all the "right" actions.  He's admitted he's done wrong. He's apologized, received forgiveness, too.  The public normally decries those who denydenydeny then seek an apology after a broad, dismissive apology is issued by our famouspeople. We demand that those politicians, religious leaders, teachers, anyone who has committed any offense, just say, "yeah, I did that. I'm a jerk and I'm sorry. I have been in contact with my victims. I go to therapy. I'm working on my problems". And here, Josh did what We The Public demand, yet We The Public are being just as hard on him as if he lied/denied.

If it wasn't crimes against kids, would We The Public would be a lot more lenient and forgiving.? I dare say, "yes". Because it involves kids, molesting and incest! I don't think I can forgive and trust that Josh's actions are all in the past -- that it was just a stupid teenager phase. 

Sex crimes are the most scary of crimes. Research shows that sexual predators cannot be rehabilitated (male or female). I remember there was a time in the 90's where the "solution" for male sexual deviancy was castration. Cutting the dick and nuts off a man isn't going to change his sexually oriented, power hungry mind. And if castration is the "solution", why wouldn't we also cut the vaginas off women? See the problem there? It's the mind, not the anatomy, that controls a sexual predator.  And what's the solution? Isolation?

In my opinion, their show should be off the air immediately and they should receive no more revenue from their show. It should never be in any sort of syndication. There should be no spin-off, as is rumored. Media needs to quit covering the family and let the family heal from within, and let them just regular people. And to the Duggars: if the network won't cut you off, just leave. That would be commendable. While it's important to learn lessons, there's no good that can come from profiting from the victims - even if the victims agree to allow it.  An argument can be made that "watching" the process of "healing and forgiveness" would help someone, I suppose. There are plenty of other avenues one can learn, heal and be helped besides watching this family on cable TV.  I don't even want to hear about an "update" show in 10 years. The Duggars should just fade back into a non-public life. 

I will worry about Josh Duggar's kids. I will worry about any child he's around. 

I offer my prayers to Josh and his victims.  

And I don't even have cable.....SMH.  Oy!  *laughing*

Thursday, May 07, 2015


Two nights ago, My Little One - a mere nine years old - was helping empty a box of groceries I ordered from Amazon Prime Pantry (which, by the way, is GREAT!).

To my surprise, she was able to put a bag of chips on top of the refrigerator, and I totally stopped my cooking, mouth agape, then commended her for growing up!

Me:  OMGOSH! You're tall enough to put the chips on top of the fridge?!?!?!?!
Her: Yeah. *shrug*

Clearly this is a bigger deal to me than her.  For a split second I wondered if she's been doing this for a while now and I just haven't seen it before. Then I went through a splitsplit second of feeling guilty, like I was too busy to notice her first step or something. But I've been doing a lot of soul work on not beating myself up so for a splitsplitSPLIT second, I kicked those negative thoughts to the curb and checked back OUT of *myself* and back IN to *her*.

Me: I had NO IDEA you were that tall!!
Her: *reaches with her finger tips to the top edge of the fridge -- on her tennis-shoed tippy toes, smiling PROUDLY*
Me: *smiles PROUDLY back*

Fast forward to this morning.....

She is fresh out of bed, wanders into the kitchen, hair in her face, slouching from notreadytobeawakeyetness.  I clear her mophair off her pretty face, revealing those gorgeous kissylips that's greeting me with a sleepy smile. I give her a soft kiss and tell her good morning.

Her:  I can't believe how tall I've grown! I have to bend down to touch the dogs tail now! It's like I have monkey arms.
Me: *laughs OUT LOUD* No, honey. Monkey arms are LONGER than normal. If you had monkey arms, they'd be closer to the ground.
Her:  Oh. Yeah. I meant T-Rex arms *she tucks her elbows into her ribcage, hands out front, waving them, talking in a babyvoice* Look at meeeee. I'm a T-Rex with baby arrrrrms.
Me: *giggling at her silliness*

Later, as I was on the train to work, I was reflecting on her perspective. We have a tendency to acknowledge the UPS of growing taller, but not acknowledge the DOWNS of growing taller. How many people would've thought, "I have to bend over to pet my dog now"?

I would' 44....when some kid brought it to my attention. But at her little nine year old mind, she was already cognizant of it.

Brains are awesome.
Thoughts are too.
And so is my kiddo.


Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Favorite Words: Calumnious

        of, involving, or using calumny; slanderous; defamatory
Funny how life is. Funny how words are. Funny how words change in life and how life changes words (context?).
I haven't posted a "favorite word" recently, let alone regularly. I went back at some old "Favorite Word" posts to see how I formatted the blog entry only to discover I had forgotten something. I forgot I used to post a weekly word. The title read, "Weekly Word of the Weak". Huh. Totally forgot. Totally.
Then somewhere along the way the W3, as it were, morphed in the very lazy title "Favorite Words:". 
I think I have commitment issues as evidence by my inability to keep posting awesome vocabulary weekly. That was a pretty witty title, I must say (humbly)! Why'd I ever stop doing that??
Oh yeah. Life. And ....stuff. Lifestuff. 
I want to go back and start doing it because there is some beautiful, rarely unspoken language out there -- in my case, English language.  The abundance of words to describe, to read, to write, is endless! I LOVE LANGUAGE!
Back to this entry's word: calumnious.
I read it here for the first time. I love me some Bishop Farrell. The dude is SMART. I'd nominate him for Pope after Francis if I was a Cardinal in the College.  
By posting the link to Bishop Farrell's blog entry about freedom, is by no means my attempt to convert you politically or religiously. It's merely a point of context and the origin of where I learned this very interesting word.
It's a word that doesn't just apply to faith and religion. It could be in your professional and personal worlds too. In fact, sometimes, I feel like I've been experiencing a personal trial that involves a person being negative toward me, and I relate my story to my therapist or a friend, I'm being calumnious.
But that's changing. There's a way to be honest about something, someONE and not be calumnious. It's been hard to learn this lesson, and I hope I can continue to see that when I'm being authentic to someone, about someone, that my truth is based in compassion, good intention and respect.