Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Okay, this ends weird....

I haven't eaten myself into oblivion or death. I know you've wondered about me since my last post. I can hear the fretful thoughts now. Don't worry. I am glad you care. :)

Actually, I have felt quite guilty about not blogging as of late, however it hasn't driven me to the ocean full of milk and cookies in which I would love to infinitely swim. No, I've just been busy and flat worn out. I barely have the energy to breath some days let alone bring my blog thoughts to fruition. Tonight, however, I am protesting the internal need to sleep, as well as procrastating returning My Eldest's library books (my 5 year old has just finished Charlotte's Web, the Wishbone version of Red Badge of Courage and the American Girl series book called Happy Birthday Addy. She was handed Beverly Cleary's Socks, a Little People book, and Little House in the Woods today. I'm so grateful for her enthusiasm and gifted ability to read. Thank God for Jama - aka Grandma, a good Montessori program and I might take a wee bit of credit along with My Husband.)

Back to the blog.

I have had several topics brewing in my head. "Black" has been a popular blog among those who know me, so I am currently composing a sequel. I also have all kinds of children follies I could share. Then there's those rather run in the mill topics like: stuff, or rant, or tonight's I'm going to blog about blogging.

I feel an incredible pull to write. It's something I used to do more often and rarely do now. It's more a treat for me than you, and I'm certainly not creative or good, but it's real and honest and straight from the heart. Some folks say it's therapeutic. I suppose I have experienced it's cathartic benefit, but I'm totally out of practice and cannot imagine being that out of control again. Not impossible, but perhaps improbable.

So.....now what?

Life news: My Husband is going on the job search again. I love him dearly, but the job hunt makes me very edgy. I pray for him to find a job that will bring him satisfaction and happiness, and decent income. Money isn't the priority for me; his happiness is. I am willing to relocate for this job search. Doesn't matter where. I long to see the world and show My Girls the world. Please pray for a successful job search for My Husband.

Another lingering feeling of conflicting joy and sadness in regards to my nephew, The First. He is turning 15 tomorrow. Gosh, I just can't believe it. Ten years ago, he was living with me and a husband of mine from a lifetime ago. The First was practically my son. We were very close and spent so much time together. A sad story follows, which I won't share tonight, but in the end, the most important lesson and testament to faith is that, The First .... HE IS GOOD. He's a great young man; a talented, inspirational human; a loving, productive child of God. And after a looooooong time, he's been generously gifted back to me, and I will *forever* be grateful for each minute we are able to share. I don't know if he feels as deeply bonded to me as I do to him. I may never know. Bottom line is that I feel good about how things have turned out, I am proud of him and I am sending him the most heartfelt, deeply rooted blessings of a happy fifteeth birthday.
And
I
love
you
so
much
Mr. Steelers Fan.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

C.O.E.

Hi. My name is Jackie and I'm a compulsive overeater. I am not in meetings and I am binging like crazy these days.

I hate food.

I wish food addiction on NO ONE. Not even the dermatologist (see PIMPLE from previous entry). I sometimes wish I was a drug addict or alcoholic or gambler. You don't NEED any of those things to SURVIVE. One needs food for survival.

I have been praying to address the food issue and this is a small attempt at trying to own it and DO something about it. The only doing I am doing is eating and eating more.

I love food.

Wish me luck, send me prayers as I try to motivate and discipline myself to be less neurotic and more in-tune with real life binge free.

(Where are the potato chips?)