Saturday, February 26, 2011

Specializing

WHY is it SO HARD for me to just focus on ONE thing and learn it? Why can't I "specialize" in something?

God has blessed me with an ability converse well, being able to discuss a wide range of topics with people in various forms and forums, but I am frustrated by not knowing a lot about one thing.

I've been especially interested in poetry and wordsmithing lately, something beyond this blog, something more...I don't know...Sophisticated? Refined? Formal? Well-structured? Professional? Not sure exactly the right word (which is why I am none of those things! *laughing*)

I like to read poetry. I'm moved by it ways similar to how I'm moved by music. It's a visceral experience. Every fiber of my being can move into my interpretation of the body of work. My whole soul can be consumed by it.

I want to author words that will consume you. I want to portray images and evoke emotions that make you ache, cringe, writhe, settle, smile. I want to do that in poetic form. And I want to be good at it.

I have found myself over the last couple of years, reading some poetry and learning snippets of the lives of these poets. These particular ones (Syliva Plath, Anais Nin, Anne Sexton, to name a few) are dark and charged, if that makes any sense. I believe most of them even committed suicide, which suggests a thing or seven in of itself, no?

Perhaps it's because I'm not haunted enough, or jaded, lonely, tortured enough.  Would these character issues, these soul struggles, these fissured facets of personality, somehow be a catalyst to me exercising my poetry brain and hands?

*shrug*

I will always have my blog....and that's a good thing.

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Until next time, I will leave you with this jewel:

With Mercy for the Greedy



For my friend, Ruth, who urges me to make an appointment for the Sacrament of Confession

Concerning your letter in which you ask   
me to call a priest and in which you ask   
me to wear The Cross that you enclose;   
your own cross,
your dog-bitten cross,
no larger than a thumb,
small and wooden, no thorns, this rose—

I pray to its shadow,
that gray place
where it lies on your letter ... deep, deep.
I detest my sins and I try to believe
in The Cross. I touch its tender hips, its dark jawed face,   
its solid neck, its brown sleep.

True. There is
a beautiful Jesus.
He is frozen to his bones like a chunk of beef.
How desperately he wanted to pull his arms in!
How desperately I touch his vertical and horizontal axes!   
But I can’t. Need is not quite belief.

All morning long   
I have worn
your cross, hung with package string around my throat.   
It tapped me lightly as a child’s heart might,
tapping secondhand, softly waiting to be born.   
Ruth, I cherish the letter you wrote.

My friend, my friend, I was born   
doing reference work in sin, and born   
confessing it. This is what poems are:   
with mercy
for the greedy,
they are the tongue’s wrangle,
the world's pottage, the rat's star.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

WW: Ashley Judd



1. Abstinence, being faithful and correct and consistent condom use are the only ways to successfully reach everyone when discussing HIV prevention. I believe that the abstinence message alone does not solve the AIDS epidemic.
Do you think there is any realistic point of trying to teach abstinence?

Seems like a losing battle -- kind of like the Drug War. There's so much media selling sex and let's face it, sex sells. Abstinence doesn't. Once those in pop-culture media collectively embrace abstinence and represent it as "cool", then maybe there will be a point.

Societal criticism aside, I do believe in the *value* of teaching it and as my kids grow older, I will lay this foundation to the best of my ability, toss in some prayer, and trust The Man Upstairs.

2. And when I started to get wind of the fact that they actually liked me being around. That was humbling, because Kentucky basketball is a big deal, and I am not the biggest fan - I am just the most notorious one.
What are you a fan of (sport or non-sport)?

You name it, I like it; I just wished I played more!

I'm a HUGE fan of NFL, NHL. I have always liked college hoops. I am not much for NBA, but keep one ear open about the Mavs.  Same for baseball. I listen to sports talk radio a lot during the day, so I get an earful of sports.

Olympics, community sports, school athletics...you name it, I pretty much like it. 

Exclusion:  WWE.

3. Both my husband and I give a lot of ourselves in what we do because that is our public lives; but in my private life, I have an intrinsic right to be left alone.
How much alone time do you need in a relationship?

I need more than I take/get.

4. I did a lot of hiking and I loved it.
What outdoor activity is your favorite?

I also love hiking! Haven't done it in years.

5. I get lonely when I'm a Playstation widow.
What video games are you into?

We have a Wii in our house. I am a huge fan of the Active Life games such as Outdoor Adventure and Just Dance. 

On my cell phone, I tend to play word games or visual attention games such as Words With Friends and Mahjong.

6. I think it's easy for me to connect to some people, and I don't know if that's the same thing as falling in love whereas before, I might have said it was.
Tell us about a time that you thought you were in love, only to find out that it was only physical attraction?

Do crushes count? I have this almost daily. *laughing*

7. I think that being perceptive and having interests is nothing but an asset.
How perceptive are you with new people in you meet?

I've been told I'm rather perceptive and observant. I've also been told that I have some sensitivities to people that maybe others don't. I connect with people fairly easily, and agree it's an asset.  It can be a bit dangerous because some people want me to be more invested than I'm willing to be.

8. I think that, as with marriage, you just know when it's time to have kids.
If you have kids was it because you were ready? If not when did you decide that?

My experience of having children was one I believe to be totally bigger than myself.

I didn't want any children, yet, I have two. When I found out I was pregnant with My Eldest, I knew it was meant to be. My dad was dying of cancer, and here, his legacy was growing in my body.  Beautiful life-is-full-circle moment for me. Humbling.

When My Eldest was about 3 or 4, My Husband and I were trying to have kids and I miscarried two over about a year's time. I was 35, adamant about not having children after 35. When I miscarried, I accepted that My Eldest is enough and she's abundant.  My Eldest was beautiful and sweet and more than I could ever hope and dream. I would be perfectly happy with her and the three of us as a family.

About six weeks after the miscarriage, I was at the gynecologist's office for an annual exam and came out of there being informed I was pregnant. *shock* Again, unexpected.  Again, in my mind, meant to be.

Was I ready for them? Yes. Did I feel ready for them? No. But it's not about me. I know that I was given the tools to mother them, and settled into that role fairly quickly. I just knew.

9. It's up to us to take pop culture back and to express quality and dignity for both boys and girls.
What’s the best of pop culture that works for you in 2011?

Gosh, I can't say that anything in pop culture works for me. I know I must sound like an old, crotchety, judgmental mother.

I openly admit to being a bit of a control freak about what My Kids watch, see, listen to and do. I know there are good things out there....I just don't have the time or energy to find them. Sad? Maybe. But I feel like My Kids are well-adjusted, happy, and even "cool".

10. No, I don't tolerate pressure from anyone about anything.
When was the time that someone made you feel pressured?

I feel pressure at work, pressure by My Husband, pressure by My Kids, pressure by My Mother, and so on -- all at once. Yeah, I'm a bit anxious. I would like to handle it better than I do.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

WW: Selma Hayek


She looks a bit like Cher here, no?
1. Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.
Do you know someone that has been a victim of domestic violence?
Yes, I know a woman who is the victim of domestic violence: my  mom. I'm blessed she survived long enough to have me.
2. I became obsessed with all these women who die never feeling they did anything extraordinary with their lives.
hat woman do you feel has made a significant contribution to society over the last decade?

This is a bit tricky to answer consdering in The Information Age, it's difficult to filter through what is fed to us and have a realistic picture of how someone is or what they do for us. 

I also think this is a bit of a bogus question because there are many non-famous women who make daily impacts.  Sadly, I couldn't put a face to her or a name, but I know she's out there.  And if you're one of those notsofamous women changing the world in subtle ways, and you've come across this lil blog o' mine, just know this notsofamous woman lifts you up in glory and gratitude!

To the intent of the question:

Oprah comes to mind first. She's rather influential, wouldn't you say? And her influence surpasses pop culture and television. Her opinions affect the economy and politics! She's had incredible global influence.  She uses her powers for good and not evil. And considering her childhood and background, I'm pretty amazed by her.

Though she died in the nineties, her legacy lives on in her children.  Lady Diana, pristine royalty unafraid to touch diseased humans in third world countries, has left a lasting contribution as manifested in her sons.  They appear to be very compassionate humanitarians who have taken their mother's work and made it soar.

Know who else I think is making a difference? It might surprise you.  Ready? Angelina Jolie. Talk about a person who has a global mind! And not only is she a global thinker, she ACTS on her worldly thoughts, and I don't mean by adopting kids from all around the world.  She's an Ambassador for the UN!

Also globally, yet so under the radar is WHO's Director General Margaret Chan. Yeah, she's making decisions about science and health for THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! Um, yeah, important I'd say.

Women such as Hilary Clinton, Condolezza Rice (*sigh* I love this woman! Dear Condi, please buy an NFL team. Specifically, please uproot Jerry Jones and be the Cowboys owner. kthnxbye), Melinda Gates, Sarah Palin (*ducks*), JK Rowling all with morsels of influence.

I ventured out to the list of 100 Most Powerful Women as defined by Forbes, and was surprised to see the following names:
  • Lady Gaga
  • Beyonce
  • Michelle Bachman
I'm embarrassed to confess that I had no idea there were so many female world leaders (thus proving my headinthesand-ness)! I was not surprised, however, to find so many female CEOs. Nor was I surprised to see the plethora of female representation in the U.S. government.  Lastly, seeing so many women who are leaders of charitable organizations doesn't surprise me in the least.
3. I have a farm and I love it there. There's really nothing to do, but even watching the chickens, its fun.
Have you ever considered life on a farm (perhaps with a pig named Arnold)?

I've considered living on a ranch. I am very intrigued by living far out of the city, but then I think about the bugs and varmints and wonder if I'd get thick enough skin to survive that.

For over a decade, I've longed to own an ittybitty lakehouse but (1) I can't afford two mortgages, (2) I don't have enough cash to pay for it outright and (3) spiders -- BIG spiders -- live at the lake.  As a 4th for insurance -- water moccasins. Those snakes creep me out megabig! *shiver*

I would mostly love a place that's out of town, to a drive-able distance, that I could be alone for a few days.  This place would also be a destination for a girls weekend, a family get-away, or a lent place for a dear friend or family member to stay. It'd be a refuge of sorts. It'd be a creative space. It'd be free of congestion and city noise. It'd not have internet access or television; maybe it'll have a radio. It'd have a comfy bed, an incomplete set of dishes, cloth napkins. I'd want a washer but no dryer so that I could let the laundry air dry (as if there'd even be much laundry....).


No, no. I haven't considered a farm. Other "just watch the chickens" places, yes.

4. I proved to myself that if I believe in something and set my mind to it I could actually accomplish it.
Do you think that’s true of everybody in all situations?

I believe we all have latent power, so to speak. We find it through adversity. So, yes.
5. I really do love Diana Ross; I grew up listening to her records. I grew up in a little town in Mexico, so while we got the music, we never got the experience of watching her.
Who is you favorite Motown era artist?

Tina Turner! Those legs! That hair! That voice! Time to listen to "Proud Mary".....

6. I think it's nice for women to try to be sexy for their man.
How much time to you spend getting “sexy” for a partner?

Not nearly enough...  but I do like to feel sexy, even if it's for myself. I don't need a man to validate my sexy (and that's not feminism talking -- it's self-respect!).

7. I'm good at working, but I'm very good at playing.
How do balance work and play in your life?

I don't. I just don't.
8. I've stolen a couple of hearts and they are in my private collection!
Do you think that you’ve ever broke someone’s heart?

It all washes out in the end.....
9. My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood.
Do you think that you drive well?
Negatory! I hate city driving. I love road trips. Neither in which I drive well.

*snaps fingers* Chauffeur???

10. Some men have a silly theory about beautiful women - that somewhere along the line they'll turn into a monster.
Do you feel that someone’s looks has a lot to do with their behavior?

I think a person's self-respect, self-esteem and self-perception affects his/her behavior. If those are askew as a result of looks, education, culture, whatever reason, then it'll affect behavior.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Does Mega-Hotness Count As A Super Power?






Ummm....YES!

Happy Valentine's Day!
















New Music:
  • I Will Always Love You ~ Dolly Parton
  • Hello, I Love You ~ The Doors
  • Better Than Ice Cream ~ Sarah McLachlan

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

WW: Ronald Reagan

Today we picked Ronald Reagan. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

This is going to be tough for me because a lot of the questions are about Ronald Regan's politics, and I've chosen to abstain from politics for a few years now, not because I don't care, rather because of a combination of becoming a bit apathetic as well as being too busy to care.  American Politics feels very negative anymore. There used to be a time where it's core agenda was bettering humanity, globally.  I admit to living in a bubble, unaware and unwilling to learn very much about world politics. 
1. A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?
Are you concerned about mankind's intrusion into forests and jungles?

I'm claiming ignorance right off the bat. With that said, no, not concerned. I'm more concerned about the waste issue. Reduce, reuse, recycle, people! Only order what you're going to eat. If you don't eat it all -- leftovers! Use cloth napkins instead of paper napkins, and use them more than once if they aren't too soiled. Use plastic, washable plates in stead of paper plates. Same with cups. Don't throw away your plastic ware used at parties -- wash it and use it again! Oh, speaking of all this washing -- kill your dishwasher and wash by hand WITHOUT the water running while washing and rinsing. Wash all the dishes then dry all the dishes. If there are too many, do it in shifts.

I could go on, but then I'll sound like a liberal (all due respect to Mr. Reagan!) and lose my "fence squatting" status as an Independent.

2. All great change in America begins at the dinner table.
What is the biggest change that you've seen in your lifetime with the U.S?

Information Age.

3. All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
Do you feel nuclear power is still the fuel of our future?

No, I don't, especially with alternative fuel sources being developed.

Strangely, being a child of the 80's, which was a generation rattled with fear of AIDS and nuclear war, I still fear nuclear war and associate "nuclear energy" with war. 

4. But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
How did you do academically in high school?

I did well in high school academically -- graduated top 10%, honors courses, scholarships and all that jazz. High school performance is not a good indicator of college performance or career success, not anymore anyway. The richest, most successful, brilliant people in the world are/were high school or college drop outs.

5. Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.
How closely have you followed the uprising in Egypt? Thoughts?

There's an uprising in Egypt?

Yeah, remember? I don't watch or read news anymore.

On a side note, I find the usage of the phrase "concentrated power" to be quite glaring. What a powerful & eloquent quote by Mr. Reagan.

6. Democracy is worth dying for, because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man.
Do you feel a political system is worth dying for?

Yes, I do, but not all of them. I believe democracy is worth dying for. Parliament is a close second. The rest -- meh.

7. Don't be afraid to see what you see.
What do you see that scares you?

Again, I try very hard not to see or seek things in this vain because I already live in enough fear. I also don't like negative energy around me.

However, in a hobbling effort to answer the question and play fairly, though, I'll list a couple.  Some "scares" I have include: sexual predators, neglect of the elderly, mistreatment of innocents, the forgotten people, ignorance, stupidity.

I have more, but I don't want to go there....nor do I want to take you there.

Considering another perspective, a few quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt pounced to the front of my thoughts:
Do one thing each day that scares you.
You can often change your circumstances if you change your attitude.
Fear is crippling.  Overcoming it to advance is necessary, yet optional. What a very uncomfortable way to exist.

Trust the process. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

8. Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we've ever known.
Tell us about an advance that you we will see in our lifetimes that is not in existence.

It's questions like this that make me wish I was more of a science-head. Also makes me wish I graduated college. *laughing*

I suppose it's pretty realistic to have a chip implanted that would keep our personal data and allow us access to information, places, etc. Right? Would you want that? Is that considered an advance? You decide... :)

9. Facts are stubborn things.
What is something that most think of as a fact that does not ring true to you?

News is unbiased.

A politician can effectuate the change in a term as espoused in campaign-speak.

The Catholic (or any church) Church is perfect.

Castration cures the male sexual predator.

..........


10. Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged.
What do you think of politicians that use religion as justification of their beliefs?

Religion and politics. Politics and religion. I'm cringing and uncomfortable with this question.

Generally speaking, I'm unconcerned if a U.S. politician uses his or her faith as a tool to discern the health of the people at large. It says to me that he or she thinks beyond self, with compassion. They already do by being a servant to the community and public at large. So if s/he prays, uses words in speeches that suggest using faith as a tool in making decisions, I'm generally okay with that.

If one is believer in a god, there are two sets of laws to consider: God's law and civil law (man's law). The clashing of the two is the battle of Wills: God's vs. Free, I suppose. Assuming a politician is a believer, then it's only logical that faith would impact governing decisions, even subconsciously. Americans who believe otherwise, demanding church and state be separated, are fooling themselves, even if the Constitution says "separate". Have you taken a good, hard look at our currency?

I like how this question assumes a politician even has a religion. What about the Athiests? How would his/her NoGod-brain impact government and society? Ever thought about that? And Agnostics? OhThereMightBeAGod-brains will impact politics in what way? Thomas Jefferson settled into Deism. He's the primary author of the Constitition. What conclusions would you draw from those facts?

Too much philosophy worming around now...so...best I stop.

~Whoosh!

Monday, February 07, 2011

It Was A Wednesday

NOTE: Before you read this post, be advised that this is an extremely emotional post.  Today is the 10th anniversary of my father's passing, and I'm handling it with a myriad of emotions.  My post today offers glances into the impressive memories I still carry, and documents (perhaps imperfectly) certain parts of the chronology of My Dad's last days.  It is not meant to be a story of conversion or witnessing, or a testimonial about medicine, end-of-life care, etc.  It's not intended to stir up any kind of controversy.  It's simply me needing to release the power of the grief I carry, remember My Dad, and to give and receive love.

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The tiny, bright-eyed almost-four-month old little girl and I packed up our weekend necessities then packed into my little 1994 Acura Integra to make our weekly weekend jaunt to San Angelo from Dallas - about a five or six hour drive. 

The previous Christmas, My Father announced his decision to refuse any more cancer treatment (he had already endured 18+ months of it, and exceeded all life-expectancy projections).  Privately to him, I committed that I would bring My Baby and we would come see him each weekend.  My Baby was his first biological grandchild - his legacy.  I was determined that the two of them -- well, all of us -- would spend as much time together as possible before Fate punctuated it with a period.  Daddy told me at Christmas, "The doctors say I could live as long as six months or more, so no need to put yourself through all that stress." 

Daddy lived only six more weeks.  The Baby and I made it to San Angelo five out of those six weeks before he died.

I had an analog cellular phone back then.

I was just about to turn off I-20 onto Loop 206 at Cisco, when My Mom called.

"He's fallen! I can't get him up!"  Her voice was trembling, panicked and fear-filled.

I offered some advice, then told her I'd be out of pocket for a bit because of the lack of cellular service, but I'd get there as soon as I could and would call her once service was available again. 

When I arrived to the house, Daddy was off the floor and laying in their bedroom, a smile greeting me and My Baby.

A hospital bed - Daddy's death bed - was delivered and set up in the dining room of My Parents home that day. 

I did not believe in God that day.

That was Friday, February 3, 2001.

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Daddy gifted his sisters & me with a game of Hollywood Gin while savoring Blue Bell Banana Split ice cream. He insisted on keeping score. 

It was so hard to see him hold the pen to the paper and not make the symbols that his once quick-witted and very bright mind was envisioning.  Clearly, there was a disconnect between his reality and everyone elses.  It was pretty tricky, really, because his body made the movements that are so familiar: picked up the pen with his right hand, turned his eyes to the pad of paper, moved his hand to write, pressed down the tip of the pen to the paper.....  There was just never a number written on the paper - the pen locked between dyingofcancerbrain and every day action.

Yet, we all smiled, continued playing as if there was no cancer, as if there was nothing wrong at all, as if it were another holidayish get-together.  Our eyes did indeed shift back and forth, glances speaking fears and worries.  Daddy's eyes were bright and smiling. 

He had a good day that day.

Alas, it was his Last Hurrah, so to speak.  Sisters & friends who had been coming over throughout the day had all left for the evening - just Mom, Baby, Dad and me.  Daddy's condition deteriorated quickly as the dark of the night blanketed Texas.  He became immobile, difficult to understand and quite agitated when awake.  He communicated with his sinking and fading eyes, as well as grunts.  He would try to use his hands, yet his arms seemed weighted, wrists restrained.  There were no restraints, though. 

I was holding My Baby who was being very playful and occasionally fussy.  Daddy could hear her and his eyes would dart toward her voice.  At one time, his weak fingers motioned me over and his eyes looked at mine, then looked to My Eldest then to his chest.  He wanted me to put her on his belly.  So I did.  They were belly to belly.  She studied him, serious at times, looking to me for answers and assurance, then would break out into the biggest, brightest smile.  She offered it to me, and gave it to him.  His fingers reached to touch her.  I helped him reach up and put his hand on her back. A tear spilled out of outside corner of his eye and it meandered down his temple, over his ear until it was absorbed back into his body.

Talk about being so elated and so sad at the same time -- wow!  I was keenly aware of the magnitude of that moment in time.  It's still so raw for me....

I did not believe in God that day.

That was Saturday, February 4, 2001.

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Watching my now-unconscious Dad, in what I could interpret only as him walking backwards through his life, I remain wowed by the argumentative utterances, the grunts that seemed like laughter, unintelligible words that seemed so joyous in tone, or even commanding.  At times, he'd raise his arm and mimic a handshake.  Other times, both arms would raise and his hands would flail as if he were giving someone a hug.  Yet other times, his arms were postured as he held a rifle.

I wondered, sitting there in the sun on the powder blue loveseat, if Daddy was greeting friends on his walk into The Light.  Or, was he reconciling his heavy heart in some way? Is he hunting or in Viet Nam? Is he ordering soldiers? Is he arguing with my mom? Is he actually being reunited with friends, deceased Army buddies, his own father and mother?  WHAT is going on in that head of his?!  I realized how little I knew about My Father's life suddenly.  I suppose I know all that I need to know, though. 

He was on some sort of journey.

I comforted Daddy in every way except one.  I couldn't bring myself to do that part.  My Mother did it instead. I felt so helpless.  Mom was amazing.

I did not believe in God that day.  I didn't not believe, either.

That was Sunday, February 6th, 2001.

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My brother made his travel-to-Texas plans.

I read the pamphlet from Hospice which detailed the death process for cancer victims. I distinctly remember these words:  secretions, Cheyne Stoke breathing, eliminate.  The pamphlet also said, often, the sick person will have this ONE DAY where the person will seem to be his/her "old self".  I would say the Hollywood Gin day was that ONE DAY.

Hospice arrived because we called them when the secretions began.  Then, true to the pamphlet information, that creepy breathing began.  Having been enlightened and empowered with the medical process of a dying cancer victim, I honed in on watching for the signs.

A little later, My Baby was napping.  I'm still not sure where My Mom and all the other people were, but I had the gift of this moment alone with My Dad.  So I took the time to sit next to him.  I curled my fingers around his rough hand.  I could tell he was miserable.  I don't know how or what it was exactly, but I just new he was ready.  Was he holding on for My Brother to arrive?  I had heard about those folks who are dying that seem to wait for permission to die.  They hold on for something or someone and until there's some arrival or permission, the misery endures. 

I didn't want My Father to be in any more discomfort.

"Daddy, if you're waiting for My Brother, don't.  He will understand.  He knows.  If you need and want to go, then go.  We all love you."  Then I leaned over and kissed his knuckle.  "I love you." 

I sat there quietly for a few moments more until My Baby stirred awake.  I stood up from the bedside and scooped that Little Girl - the next in the Circle of Life - into my embrace, held her tightly against my bosom to the bedroom.  After changing her diaper, she and I danced down the hall to return to where My Dad was, and My Mom took My Baby from me, "Let me hold her.  The lady from Hospice needs to talk to you."

My Dad had just died.

Just like that -- less than ten minutes after our "talk" -- he was gone. 

One eye wide open, one eye mostly shut, his mouth agape and body hollow of soul, he was gone.

I exhaled.

Later that day, as I cried in the shower with my face pressed against the cold tile with the hot water soothing me, comforting me, a special gift was given to me.  It was from God.

I was converted at that moment; I came to believe.

That was Wednesday, February 7, 2001.

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You might notice that I changed the music.  The songs are:
  • You Never Even Called Me By My Name (The Darlin' Darlin' Song) ~ David Allen Coe
  • Don't It Make Your Brown Eyes Blue ~ Crystal Gayle
  • Wasted Days And Wasted Nights ~ Freddy Fender
  • She's Got You ~ Patsy Cline
  • She Believes In Me ~ Kenny Rogers

This music reminds me of growing up, of My Dad, of times with him or things about him.  For example, the Freddy Fender song is My Parents wedding anniversary song.  The DAC song is one we'd play during The Bronc's world-famous fish fry get-togethers.  The whole inside of the bar and all the folks cooking and shooting bull on the outside of the bar would sing along.  SO! GREAT! 

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~ the lake where My Dad rests ~

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

WW: Charlie Sheen

Today we picked Charlie Sheen. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!




1. As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?
What is something in which that you did not expect to succeed, but ultimately you were successful?

I don't know about you, but I think he has a pretty valid point.  And for someone who has always seen myself as NOT succeeding at things, to answer this question is quite a challenge!

As a young woman, I envisioned myself finishing college, starting a family and being a stay-at-home mother/wife until the kids were older. When they were school age, I would work during their school time.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WTF was I thinking?!

Does that mean I'm a failure? Hell no. It means that I didn't live out that "dream".

Taking inventory of my life currently, I'd say I'm very successful.  And although I have not completed my formal education, I feel quite thankful for the gifts given to me that qualify me as "successful".

2. Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
What do you think about home schooling?

I think home schooling is appropriate so long as the parents make the effort to appropriately socialize the child.  All too often, home schooling leads to sheltering of a child.  The child grows up in a bubble and when is of age to go to college or live life independently, s/he doesn't have the coping mechanisms or the social finesse to feel well-adjusted.

Family IS forever. True. Undeniable.

3. I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.
What makes you unique?

I'm "unique" in many ways, but I'm exactly who I am supposed to be.  We are socialized and it's natural for us to want to compartmentalize everything and everyone. The key is to accept self and accept others.
4. I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.
When you meet someone, how much of your past do you reveal?

I have this drive to want to fully disclose my whole self to someone, but I'm also a bit cynnical about a person handling all that information anymore. I'm nestled into the belief that no one can and should know everything about me.  And it's not selfish by any means. It's not that I necessarily want to hide or protect myself.  It's also thoughtfulness of the other person.  It's the consderation that perhaps that person doesn't want to know, or has a set of experiences and circumstances that will inhibit acceptance.  Of course, the underlying fear of not being accepted flutters about constantly. 

So, when I first meet a person, I do what comes naturally. If there's something that I reveal about my past that makes sense in the context of the conversation or situation, I'll open up about my past.  Otherwise, the past is merely a tool by which I've grown into the person I am today.
5. I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
Has rehab helped either you or a member of your family?

I don't personally know anyone who has been to rehab.  The closest experience I have to rehab is my activity in the 12 Step program of Overeaters Anonymous.  I'm a huge believer in the 12 step program! So, yes, it's helped me personally and others I know.
6. I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.
Do you dwell on your past?

Yes, I will go through dark periods of self-doubt, self-condemnation, self-analysis.  When I'm in these funks, I tend to be harshly critical of myself.  I try hard to move on quickly but somethings remain unreconciled.  I'm no exception here....we all go through degrees and periods of past-dwelling.
7. I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.
Have you ever profited from something that at the time you felt that you did not earn?

Oh, I suppose so. If there are times I've been at work and kind of blown off the day by doing stupid non-work things (like blog), then most certainly, I feel like I've profited without earning.

It's easy to spiritually feel unworthy or in a state of having more than I deserve.  I suppose it has a healthy and fruitful function of humility.  This is a truth for me...not feeling worthy of all that I'm given.  I look at my kids and wonder how in the world God though *I* could raise them.  I evaluate my life and wonder how the heck I landed on my feet so gracefully.  It's all through God's grace.
8. I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.
Have you ever behaved in a way that you should not have?

Daily. *laughing*  Pray for me!
9. The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.
Have you ever been in an ambulance? If not, have you ever been present when an ambulance was used?

I have been in the back of an ambulance at certain community fairs and whatnot, but not in an emergency situation.  I followed an ambulance in which my mother was being transported a couple years ago.  That was pretty scary.  The whole time, I was clutching a medal of JPII and praying for Mom's healthy.  Scary. No likey.
10. Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.
Is there any uncertainty in your life at the present time? In the past?

I live in constant uncertainty. Constant! It's a strange thing to be feel confident and uncertain at the same time.  I'm certainly not complaining, though.

~Whoosh!