Heaving for breath. Gasping almost. A full on panic.
That's how I awoke this morning. Internally, my body was afrenzy yet, externally, I lay in peace, nestled 'neath the teal and chocolate brown.
I had a lot of dreams through the night, but the one that left me in a heightened state was about an airplane crashing, and I was in it.
I don't remember too many particulars, just a few ... peripherals ... for lack of a better word. I remember work was involved, and family was, too. I was in an open meadow and boarded an airplane. It wasn't at an airport; the meadow was literally an open field. I stepped up the stairs and filed to the back of the plane since all the other seats were taken. I was irritated because the back is the noisiest part and I was right by the bathroom.
An older woman sat next to me, dressed sharply. I know I knew her, but in retelling the dream, I cannot recall who she is. I can't see her face. I can only see her white button down shirt, starched and tucked into a gray wool skirt. She had long legs, bare. Her feet were adorned with black patent leather heels.
So the plane takes off, elevates quickly into the clear blue sky. I look out the window to my left, where the woman was sitting, and I see a jetliner heading RIGHT for us. The nose of my plane lifted, dodging the jetliner, whose speed has left my plane in a bit of turbulance.
My plane settles back into a safe state of flight. I don't think anyone else has realized what's just happened. I specifically recall no screaming, worried chatter, shifting of items. It was weird. And quiet. Very quiet.
I look out my window to the right and see that same plane literally make a wide u-turn and target my plane again. It clearly has a mission to take my plane out, and it's not going to fail. I grip on to the armrests and watch incredulously as it lifts over my plane. With my cheek pressed to the window, eyes fixated on the attack jetliner, I see it lift high above us, turn it's nose down and point it straight down toward the ground. It dive bombs into my plane, ripping my plane right under my feet. Literally I felt the whoosh of wind and the near-scrape of my chinny-chin-chin. My body is tense, my back pushing so hard against the back of my seat, arms straight, fear and tears all over me.
No sooner did it destroy my plane did it go away. There was no debris. No screams. No bloodshed. There was no sign whatsoever that an accident had just occurred. Still quiet.
I'm floating in the sky, in control, alone at the back of the plane, nothing but the blue clear sky before me. It was kind of like riding in my car with the windows down. My hair was fluttering about, locks sometimes stinging a slap on my cheek and tickling my neck. I was navigating that thing!
I grew immensely calm. My body relaxed. I felt free.
I woke before the dream completed. I've no idea if I crash landed or what. I do know that I went from complete panic and fearful of dying to immense peace and calm, feeling very in control of that vehicle.
Now, I don't know about you, but this girl thinks dreams are functional. I believe my mind picks up on things subliminally, sensorially. And I also believe that the emotions I feel during the day that I don't necessarily label or acknowledge as a particular feeling are manifested in my dreama. Dreaming is the mind's way of reconciling all these issues and sensory stimuli, processing information and attempting to convey a message that's custom built for me. One caveat here: I also think themes of dreams do have universality. For example, dreaming of being naked means a fear of exposure -- of being vulnerable -- something secret being revealed. Get the picture?
I think it meant that I need to be more confident and realize that I'm in control of more than I realize. I also believe it means that I feel like I've made goals that I probably feel like I cannot attain, and by me feeling at peace and free at the end of my dream means that I am able to handle my goals. In spite of obstacles, I can pilot my own plane so to speak, even if I'm not in the cockpit. I don't have to be the leader to lead. I don't have to be in uniform; I just need to be me, even if I'm afraid of myself.
Hoaky, huh? But legit. Tewwwwwtally!
The question now is.... Do you want to get on an airplane with me?
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