For months now, I've had a naked left hand. My finger became so irritated, red, inflamed by wearing them. I treated the irritation with Neosporin, Cortizone, even Monistat! I quit wearing my wedding rings because I was in too much irritating pain.
I kind of correlated the pain from my wedding bands with some pain I was experiencing in my marriage. Probably unrelated, but still...I associated the two.
Well, things have improved remarkably in my marriage (thank God!), and yet, I still had no bands. The ridge that developed around my finger had faded and I was sort of sad about that.
I've been married seven years now (thank God!) and all this time, I'd never had the rings cleaned. My Husband and I talked about it and just never took them to the jeweler. For Mother's Day, the ring cleaning was supposed to be my gift. Mother's Day came and went and I was disappointed. No rings.
Then, August arrived. Our Anniversary came and went. Still, no rings. Still disappointed.
I began to take it personally. I began to wonder if I mattered at all. My rings and the act of getting them cleaned became a symbol of the measure of love My Husband has for me. They became my definition of how valuable I am to him.
All so silly! Irrational, even.
I couldn't shake the feelings though. Rationally I knew better; the negative emotions were still swirling.
I went on a retreat as a team member a couple weeks ago. I missed having my rings on me. I delivered a speech, part of which discussed my marriage...and struggles in it (without divulging too much detail). I had hoped to wear my rings as a symbol of pride and survival. They became a beacon of hope for all marriages, especially mine. Yet, since I didn't have them on my finger, I felt deflated.
My poor Husband. He had no idea I had taken the simple act of cleaning of wedding rings to these emotional extremes. I didn't say anything along the way. It was *my* issue. Never once did he say he didn't love me. Not once did he indicate that not cleaning the rings was to purposefully send me a message of his discontent with being married to me. He didn't know how I felt. He can't be held accountable for that. Plus, somewhere along the way, the burden was on HIM to get them cleaned instead of how it was originally discussed that WE would go to the jeweler together. Never did I communicate to him that I expected him to do it for me. That's not fair. So, I kept my feelings to myself and waited patiently & hopefully.
The Sunday I returned from my retreat, My Husband pulled a tiny ziplock bag out of his right pants pocket, "I have a surprise for you...." and he presented the cleaned rings to me. Squeeeee! It was not as romantic as I had fantasized, but I was so overjoyed to have them back! And they look like brand new rings! The scratches have been buffed. They shine like the sun. The cracked diamond in the band was replaced with a new one. I'm tellin' ya....a brand new set of rings!
Thanks, Love, for making my heart, soul and left ring finger happy again.
No comments:
Post a Comment