Funky Spunk

"Funky Spunk" is one of my favorite phrases.  It was on Sex And The City, said by Samantha when describing giving head to a guy, and when she swallowed, he had 'funky spunk'.  The grimace on her face combined with those two words relayed the experience very.... clearly.

But, I'm writing about a different context of funky spunk today, but the negative still kind of applies. 

I'm kind of a spunky person in the traditional definition -- or so I've been told.  I'm typically upbeat and positive, easy-breezy and light-hearted.  I get stressed, and then I freak out, then I'm good for a while.  Lately, though, I feel pretty blah -- I'm in a funk -- I'm feelin' funky, and by funky I don't mean nastysmellytasty or funkaaayyy as in gettin' mah groove-thang on.  I mean, I feel D~O~W~N.

This translates, in Jackies World, to some sort of change(s).  Centered in this storm is work.  Work's been incredibly stressful.  Admittedly, I'm pretty complacent there.  I remain challenged daily but am not an ambitious sort, so I don't overachieve or strive to be biggerbadderbetter.  I just do my stuff, call it a day, and leave.

Well, lately, there's been some reorganization.  The department I'm in is in flux, going through a growing pain of sorts.  Things got pretty tight and scary for a while, so, naturally, as human nature dictates, people have left for bigger and better things. 

Not me.

I remain unsettled in a place where for almost the last 10 years, I've been very stable.  I don't fear I'll lose my job (please, God), and I'm usually all about embracing change.  But, it must be the Aging Jackie that isn't taking these changes so easily.  I trust the process, like I always do, because I know that things will get better, I'll be a better employee, a better person.  Yet, my rationale isn't assuaging my emotionality about this.  Not yet anyway.  I still cry about some things.  I am still grieving some other things.  Yet, I'm there.  Trying.  Being.  Doing. Breathing. 

Interestingly, in the fallout (so to speak), some things are being said and done on the periphery.  I sense people saying, doing for me.  I sense people saying, doing with me.  I sense support and worry.  I know there's a worry that I'm going to leave, too.  I'm not going to conjecture on what the future holds.  For now, I'm taking the moment for NOW and trying NOT to focus on anything else.  Ordinarily, I'm so nice, I'd slay myself to the cause out of loyalty.  Opportunities are opening -- I hear a knock occasionally.  I answer the door.  I visit with Opportunity.  And listen. 

Listen.

This is what I need to do nowadays.  So, I will do just that -- listen.  (Maybe I'll go watch that episode of SATC to get a little laugh...IF I can sit still that long.)

~Trying really hard to be still~