I am proud, but, UGH, it was a sock in the stomach to be left standing on the sidewalk in front of the school, alone, as she walked toward the stairs to the school.
Conversation just prior, as we clutched hands:Me: Nervous?
Eldest: Yeah, a little.
M: You'll do great. Do you remember where your classroom is?
E: Yes. *she points to the general vicinity*
We stop walking and wait for the bell to ring. A PTA mom is screaming that there are "Welcome Back To School" doughnuts. (Really? And we wonder why our kids are facing obesity as the #1 epidemic these days?! Can you get grapes, bananas, apple slices and such?!)
My Eldest starts looking around, stepping up on tippy toes to see if she sees friends. I people-watch.
She breaks hands with me.
E: You don't have to take me in, mama.
THERE. That's when the sock in the gut came.
M: *puts on my bravegirl face & plugs in the strongmom voice* You sure? I don't mind....
E: Yes, mama. I'm sure.
She offers me a kiss and a hug and goes toward the front of the school and gets lost in the crowd.
I linger, of course, perching myself up higher on a set of stairs so I can watch her. I lose her, then find her, lose her, then find her. The bell rings and I see her bouncing up the stairs with a friend of hers. She didn't look back.
So, it was a lonely walk back to my car, and yeah, I cried a little, but mostly happy tears.
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