On Shame

Shame is one of those words I try not to utter in such a context of belittling or correcting a person, especially my children. I consciously choose to refrain from saying "shame on you". I have said, "what a shame" when certain kinds of crimes have been committed, or some sort of injustice that's occurred.

Shame, the feeling, is so raw, isn't it? I mean, could you feel any worse about yourself when someone who loves you says they're ashamed of you? Could you feel any smaller than when you're told you "shame on you"? 

Ugh.  Just typing it makes me feel disgusted - and disgusting! 

I've often wondered what purpose that word, that feeling, even plays in a lifetime?

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I recently attended a series of lectures given by a priest. He took one lecture to discuss the human feelings of anger, fear and guilt. He also talked about shame.

Toxic shame leads to suicide; healthy shame leads to transformation. http://t.co/5uePej02V0
— Msgr. Don Fischer (@MsgrDonFischer) July 12, 2014

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Healthy shame.

Healthy.
Shame.

Healthy shame.

There's such a thing?

There's such a thing!

There is?

Doesn't quite compute -- yet.

But he opened the door for me. His words were enlightening. I'm not sure I understand - yet - what "healthy" shame is, but I like the idea of healthy anything being the mechanism to progress and growth....transformation. Conversion.

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What do YOU think it could mean? Feel free to leave an example or share a story!

The Secret Garden

Life is so fragile.

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It's been a tough few weeks for me and some friends and family. I currently have at least three families I know that are dealing with issues of life and death health challenges.  Mix that in with a job coming to an end, and possibly a career, a multitude of decisions to make, changes to endure (all good, I know) -- I just can't keep my focus off of one little tiny baby who reminded everyone that shared in her journey just how precious love and life are.

 

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A friend, whom I met through work circles, invited me into a Secret Garden, if you will. When I entered the door, I quickly learned that his baby girl - the most exquisite Flower - was not meant to be long for this world, as is true with all flowers. 

 

She was diagnosed with a very serious genetic disorder.  Upon doing research about this disorder, I became more and more humbled and absolutely awed.  The chances of a baby surviving till birth are very slim, and often, they are stillborn.  Tragic. Girls tend to live longer than the boys, if they make it out alive at all.  Even their presence in this world can be shortened at any given second. 

 

There is NO question that this child, she is Light.  She is meant to shine upon anyone who has crossed her path - directly or indirectly.  (Do you feel the warmth?)  She planted seeds that will continue to bloom foreverandever.

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Three weeks.

 

She lived -- and brought life -- for three.whole.weeks.

 

She reminded people where to allot their time.

She reminded people that God lives.

She reminded people that sacrifice is hard, but love conquers.

She reminded people that although vulnerable & fragile, the human spirit is a warrior.

She reminded people that we need each other.

She reminded people that relationships trump all material items.

 

I'm sure she reminded some people of things not even listed here. And her legacy is to continue to remind everyone that knows her story just how to treat one another. What a gift!

 

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Today, she passed away.

 

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God bless The Flower and her family. 

 

 

World Youth Day: Rio

I love this new Pope!

"We need saints without cassocks, without veils - we need saints with jeans and tennis shoes. We need saints that go to the movies that listen to music, that hang out with their friends. We need saints that place God in first place ahead of succeeding in any career. We need saints that look for time to pray every day and who know how to be in love with purity, chastity and all good things. We need saints - saints for the 21st century with a spirituality appropriate to our new time. We need saints that have a commitment to helping the poor and to make the needed social change. We need saints to live in the world, to sanctify the world and to not be afraid of living in the world by their presence in it. We need saints that drink Coca-Cola, that eat hot dogs, that surf the internet and that listen to their iPods. We need saints that love the Eucharist, that are not afraid or embarrassed to eat a pizza or drink a beer with their friends. We need saints who love the movies, dance, sports, theater. We need saints that are open sociable normal happy companions. we need saints who are in this world and who know how to enjoy the best in this world without being callous or mundane. We need saints."

- Pope Francis WYD Rio De Janeiro 2013

AMEN!