The Last First Day

*squeeeeee* Here's my baby -- My Little One. This photo is the last First Day of School picture we'll take. I'm not crying; YOU'RE CRYING!

MLO's senior year will be one of late arrivals, no driver's license, half-easy/half-difficult classes: Anatomy & Physiology, English, Economics/Government, 2D Studio Art, AP Ceramics, Audio/Visual somethingsomething, the next class after taking the intro class last year.  No math! No foreign language! No physical education! 

There will be random metal detectors erected to search for guns, knives, vapes, e-cigarettes & I don't know what else -- aren't those things (scary) enough? Is it any wonder teens today feel so anxious?? 

This child marvelously talented & insightful young human is exceptional. Yeah, yeah, all parents say their kid is exceptional, I know. I know. I do! But this one IS! The old soul, then depth & breadth of subject matter we discuss, the deep & wide empathy they possess -- makes me cry. I cry from humility and awe, joy & wonder. I absolutely LOVE watching them grow up. The mere fact that they include me in their life fills my heart with a kind of happiness I don't really know how to describe. My heart is FULL. It's swollen. I FEEL it in my chest when I laugh & cry & listen & learn with them. 

It's been an interesting couple years...

Super Bowl Sunday 2022, MLO decided to take a stand and refuse to go back to their dad's house & hasn't been back since. It was very rocky for a while. My anxiety was heightened. My fear that he'd kill my kids and/or me was palpable. Neighbors and friends were notified to be on the look-out for erratic behavior. Family was notified. Therapists and employers were put on notice. The pulse has stabilized over time, but I stay vigilant. There've been phone conversations and texts exchanged on special occasions, but that's about it in terms of MLO being in contact with their dad. I remind them I will support any decision they make regarding if & when to see or talk to their dad, and I always will. I'm grateful he's honored their decision all this time. If the tables were turned, I know I'd be fraught with sadness.

The gaslighting he pulled was sickening, trying to tell MLO they're 'crazy'. He questioned her mental health & tried to use religion, psychology & family to manipulate her. But she did her homework, man. She sought counsel with a family law attorney to ask questions, understand their rights & obligations, talked to her therapist, got a script prepared. The resolve they continue exhibit is nothing less than remarkable. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, we're holding steady.

They were seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor, taking anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication. Now, they're med-free & feel happier, healthier. MLO is so close to being free from the legal monkey on their back. So close. There's still a long way to go but they're thriving!

We'll take this a day at a time, feeling each emotion, honoring it & processing it as it presents. I hope this year will be filled with their favorite things, foraging new memories, absorbing excellence academically and humanistically. I'm not sure which will make them happier: being free from the divorce decree or graduating. Either way, it'll be a good year. 

Love & be loved.

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