Saturday Nine: Hey Soul Sister

Welcome to Saturday: 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme! 

Saturday 9: Hey, Soul Sister

(because John suggested Train)

If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.

1) The video was shot on a street corner in Echo Park in central Los Angeles. If you saw a film crew making a video in your neighborhood, would you stop to watch? Or would you just keep walking?

I'd probably stop and watch for a little bit. I'm typically intrigued by how things are made. I admire the creative process and marvel at the mechanics behind that, so, yeah, I can see myself hanging around for a while.

2) The singer says he remembers his girl in every dream he dreams. Do you remember if you dreamed last night?

No, I don't remember what I dreamt last night, but I've been dreaming a lot lately. I'm not so crazy about waking up feeling the lingering feelings I've experienced lately. :(

3) The band Train is from San Francisco. Have you ever visited The City by the Bay?

No, never been, but want to very much! I know this post is about Train, but whenever I think of San Francisco, I think of that Journey song, "Lights".

4) Lead singer Pat Monahan got his start in a Led Zeppelin cover band. Can you name a Led Zeppelin song?

Stairway to Heaven (#duh)

I'm sure I know more but they're a little before my time and I don't know the songs by name.

5) In doing research for this week's Saturday 9, Crazy Sam discovered a publication called Trains, The Magazine of Railroading.What's the last magazine you flipped through? 

I recently have read "Richardson Living", "Poets & Writers", "More" and the "Food Network Magazine".

6) Do you consider yourself a leader or a follower?

I'm both a leader and a follower. There's a time and place to be one or the other. 

7) Scholars tell us that "To be or not to be" is Shakespeare's most quoted line. Give us another one.

Et tu, Brute?

8) How do you listen to music on the go? Car radio? CD changer? iPod/mp3 player? Your phone?

Mostly I listen on the car radio, then my iPod.

9) Are you a convincing liar?

No. (Do you believe me?)

Duran Duran Unstaged by David Lynch

Yes, I went.
Yes, I sang.
Yes, I clapped.
Yes, I chair danced.

Yes, some people waved cell phones in the air during "Ordinary World" and "Leave A Light On".
Yes, it was weird.
Yes, there were hot dogs on a grill, a manual beater, bicycle spokes.
Yes, John played that fookin' bass.

Yes, there were Barbie-like figurines wearing pink panties with double D's on their boob areas (see Exhibit A)

Exhibit A: Double Ds

It was very fun to share a movie premier of my favorite band in my home town surrounded by all of you crazy fans and groupies! I was impressed by the male turn-out!  I love that this was a one-night-only event where globally we enjoyed another memory made by this very creative band who keeps on giving!

Thank you, Duran Duran!

~~ WHOOSH!

Tick Tock

See, the problem with posting a blog like the one I most recently posted about finding identity is that people reach out to you like you're demented.

And this is the problem with humanity.  Humans can't accept humans being human.

We all have our problems.

We all struggle emotionally.

We all do.

But let's all keep it under wraps, in secret. Let's not share about it.

Then there's the danger of the over-sharer, right? Those people who are plagued by all sorts of things that really are burdensome and that's all they talk about; their identity is what ails them.

What a pendulum swing.

If humans let humans be human, we might just find this lull of tick-tock that rocks.

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It isn't that I'm not grateful for the love. So, thank you.

Finding Identity

I haven't been working since April. I confess it's partly welcome. I've never not worked since I was 19. For the better part of the last decade, I've been the breadwinner at home. I'm proud of my accomplishments considering I have no college degree. My accomplishments, thought, have come from necessity, not "drive" or "ambition". 

Being a working mother, I've harbored years and years of heavy guilt. I've hated myself for not being able to be a stay-at-home mother, something I value. (Since I've been a working mother all my kid's lives, I certainly know the value of balancing home-work responsibilities, too!)  

The summer was lovely in that I was able to do a lot with my kids and family. Now that school has started back up and my job seeking attempts have proven infertile thus far, I'm flailing around a bit. Some days, I feel depressed. Those particular days, I feel the Other Guilt. 

The Other Guilt is the guilt of being a stay-at-home mother and not financially contributing to the family. We're in a pretty big fluctuation of budget adjustment, as well as a lifestyle adjustment. It's not like we were taking wildly extravagant vacations several times a year, buying whatever we want. But we didn't take ANY vacation this summer. The kids, of course, have that itch to go somewhere. We even got passports for everyone in hopes of taking an international trip sometime soon. The kids are used to my little impulse buys. For example, we're in the check-out line at Target and MLO will see a My Little Pony mini-figure she wants, I'd tell her to add it to the grocery basket. If Boa found a new book she wanted, we'd go get it. Now, I'm saying, "we don't have enough money right now," and "you have enough of them," or "we can get check it out from the library". I'm sure you get the idea.

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What a curious transition. I figured the guilt of working would go away; instead, it found a new home. 

I don't want to be ruled by guilt anymore. 

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There's a lot of time on my hands right now. And I'm finding that I need to be productive. I need to generate. Sitting still is difficult for me.  (Remind me I said that when I come home from dropping the kids off at school and go back to sleep until 1:00 p.m., please.)

I have to do a lot of self-talk to get motivated to do things. Sometimes I have to guilt myself into doing thing. There it is again -- GUILT.

When will I settle into acceptance?

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Furthermore, I've been doing deep soul-searching. As most of us at one point in our lives does, I'm beginning to wonder WHAT IS THE POINT? What happens if there's no Heaven? What if I was a non-believer? Why do I care about helping others? Why do I try to be a better person? What's the "better" going to do for the world? For me? WHAT'S THE POINT?

Are we a population wandering about a planet just doing STUFF until we die? And this STUFF -- WHAT'S THE POINT of it?

I'll learn an instrument. Big deal. I'll read more books, like fingers to printed page books. Big whoop. I might even talk to someone about it. Meh. Okay -- so we have something in common. WHAT'S THE POINT of having "something in common" with someone?

I'll be a parent. I'll be a partner. I'll be a worker. I'll be a leader. I'll be a sheep.

I'll do chores. I'll do fun activities. I'll do what I'm asked to do.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

Even if The Point is to serve one another for the pleasure of a Higher Power, what does that matter? My soul will get to some plane somewhere and just ... what? Kill more time? Exist through another type of suffering until some OTHER plane is achieved (endured?)?

When you die that’s it.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) September 15, 2014

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No, I'm not abandoning my calls to be the best Jackie I can be. No, I'm not walking away from responsibilities. I'm just *wondering*. It's what I do.

Then I act.