It's Happening

I can feel it.

It's palpable.

It makes me uneasy and comfortable at the same time.

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I'm experiencing a good amount of grief these days: in my marriage, friendships, work place, spiritually, and in my parenting.  Today's ruminations are particularly focused on the futures of My Girls.  Actually, it's not just today, it's been weeks and months now.

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Why am I feeling uneasy?

It's odd to me of how keenly and consciously hyperaware I am of raising my children. 

When I'm with them, I wonder, "will they look back at this moment in 20-30 years and think, 'my mom was a GOOD woman'".  When I'm not with them, I wonder, "will My Girls look back at their lives and wish they had more time with me? Will they blame me for not finding a way to stay home with them more? Will they be better, stronger women because of my choices, or will they find failure in themselves and me?"

Why would it make me comfortable?

I'm comfortable with it because I am affirmed that this is LIFE. I'm ALIVE. I'm feeling feelings, doing important work, thinking about someone besides myself.  It's a process, this child-rearing thing.  It makes me uneasy because the challenges I face with them are ones that allow My Girls AND *me* a chance at personal growth. 

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I'm not unlike you, am I? Do you think about your legacy like this? Do dads do this, too?