I'm not sure I can experience a worse shame or failure. I'm certainly not inviting the chance to do either or both of those!! I'm simply saying, dropping out of school with my kids in tow is pretty much the lowest of the lows in motherhood for me.
What did my actions teach them? What message did they get from me making the choice to drop my ONE AND ONLY class?
I can only hope they saw a woman who was trying to "do it all", surrender and be humble. I can only hope they saw their mom being in the disposition of accepting that she cannot, indeed, do it all.
My fear is that they learned that it's acceptable to dismiss education. My anxiety is they learned that their mama is a failure.
Ouch.
Very. Ouch.
Rationally, I know I made the right choice. I feel you reassuring me that "it's not that important", "you'll get back there someday", "you made the right choice", "your kids will understand", etc. My emotions, however, are ruling this aspect of my life and will for a while.
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