Egocentric

"That's just your ego, trying to make sure it stays in charge. This is what your ego *does*. It keeps you feeling separate, keeps you with a sense of duality, tries to convince you that you're flawed and broken and alone instead of whole." ~Richard from Texas as written by Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love.

I'm reading (slowly) Eat, Pray, Love. (By the by, I highly recommend this book to any woman.)

It was first recommended to me by KB Dallas. Then, about six or eight months later, HRH KP recommended it.

I travelled to see RR in Seattle in August and finally, I bought it. For her. As a birthday gift.

We took a trip to see Tommy and along the way, I read it aloud as we drove. It was rather romantic and chickie, really. I'd never done anything like that before.

As a result of the little snippets of chapters we read, we resigned ourselves to buying mala beads. I bought RR some for her birthday to match the book. I hope she's using them prayerfully.

Anyway, the opening quote to this blog is resonating within my soul.

So much of this book is the Jackie inside me that is afraid to say out loud that which needs to be said aloud. I am indentifying too eerily with this book. I'm not usually moved by the written word, but this book is definitely stirring my emotions, inciting some sort of internal skirmish. I suppose that's why it's taking me so long to read it. I have to take it in small doses. Otherwise, I feel crazy. Feeling crazy is not a good feeling.

My ego is out of control. When I was in OA, my ego hated me. When I was in OA, my ego was tamed and knew it's place -- I controlled it; it didn't control me.

Now the ego is back. Bigger and badder than ever, it's back!

So now, me and my ego are battling. I will defeat it. I will be healthy again. I will keep my health for the rest of my life.