The Dawn Has Come

'...death is not a fire extinguished, but the lamp being put out for the dawn has come...'

Isn't that so comforting?

I've struggled most of my life with the notion of death. I grew up fearing it. I didn't understand it. I didn't want to experience it in any way, shape or form -- I didn't want to die, my parents certainly couldn't die, my brother, my friends, anyone that I clung to for survival and love were not allowed to die!

I remember when my grandparents died. When Daddy Lem (my dad's dad) died, there was an open casket. I was asked to go view the body. I freaked OUT! No way! Ain't no way Jackie's going up to see a dead body. I was about, ohh, fourteen, maybe. I bawled and bawled at the funeral. I wasn't even close to Daddy Lem, in fact, rarely saw him. But it was my first loss ever, my first experience at someone related to me that died.

Fast forward about seven years when Grandma B. died. (Yes, we actually called her Grandma B.) Again, I didn't see her much because of our military lifestyle, but I was closer to her than I ever was my grandfather. I was again asked if I wanted to view the body. I cringed at the very thought, but I *made* myself experience it. I touched her crossed, cold hands even. She looked peaceful, but not the woman that I grew up knowing. The cancer caused her to lose so much weight. She never wore makeup that I recall. Anyway, I grea up a little bit that day and learned a few things about death -- and life.

When my father passed away, I learned an important lesson through that experience, which I credit to my husband. I learned that death is a PART OF LIFE. Totally new concept to me, but I embraced it. I do still struggle with the notion of death, but through my faith and of course the wisdom of age, I am way more comfortable when people die, accepting my own fate, etc.

Tonight, my husband and I attended a funeral of a wise beauty of a woman that my husband met through a former employer. When he met her, she had already been diagnosed and fighting Cancer. They rode together on the train occasionally and later, he learned she went to our same church. During these rides, and during their time together at work, they shared quite a bit about their belief in God, among many things. They had a neat friendship it seems.

One day, she asked my husband to be a part of her funeral arrangements and he humbly accepted. He was a reader tonight and he did great. He looked so handsome in his suit (haven't seen him in that in a while!). His hands were cold before he went up there to read.

The priest said some lovely, lovely words about her and her life. The opening phrase to tonight's blog are the words the are forever emblazened on my soul.

Thank you KT for your gifts to me in our short time together. And I will see you by dawn's early light...