Is It Hard?

What a funny day today.

I'm one of those rare women who can indeed see the Big Picture. True, I can get hung up on minutae in an arguement, but I have the ability to step back in the heat and frenzy of that and broaden the scope.

Today was a day where I saw life playing before my eyes. Life growing beyond me and my home into the universe. It's a day where I saw my legacy sprout leaves. The seeds I've sown have been nurtured. And I'm proud.

I am also withered. It's a day I felt squelched and infuriated. It's a day where I recognize just how much my character flaws rear their Medusa heads and hiss at the world. It's ugly. It's necessary. It's painful. It's growth. It's opportunity to be purified.

On a lighter note, but kind of related, my husband, My Little One and I attended with My Eldest her school's Talent Show. Unfortunately we didn't get to stay for the whole thing because My Little One was rather fussy and implacable, but we did get to see a glimpse of the World's Future. Great kids. Doing great things. Kids up there doing electric guitar solos, jump roping tricks, singing, ballet, piano playing, tae kwan do (hope I spelled that right -- apologies if I didn't!) It was inspiring and sweet.

While there, My Eldest left us to go sit with her school friends. That's a first. She usually wants to cling to me whereever I am. Not tonight. And earlier today, when My Husband and I dropped her off at school, she didn't kiss us good-bye. All week she's been 'forgetting' that part. I've noticed and have been in denial, but the truth is she's growing up and doesn't need or WANT kisses from her parents on the way out of the car anymore. I am grateful that she turns around and sings 'I love you' before turning and heading to the school office. (Makes me cry just typing it.) So I realized today that My Eldest is growing up...meaning...not needing me as much. She doesn't look like a little girl anymore. Her conversations are the gamut of cartoons to religion, candy to politics. She's bright that one. Special. Amazing. I love her but it still hurts. And it makes me proudjackie, too.

When we got home, we were getting ready for bed. I helped her take off her dress before getting into the shower (no baths anymore). Here is our conversation:

Her: Is it hard being a mom?
Me: (smiling a little) Yes, sometimes.
Her: Is it ever easy?
Me: (nodding) Yes, it's easy a lot because you make it easy. You're a good girl.
Her: Sometimes I feel like I make it hard.
Me: There are indeed times you do, but that's part of being a kid and a parent. Overall though, you're so good. And sometimes being a mom is supposed to be hard. But I couldn't ask for anything better.
Her: I love you, mama.
Me: I love you, too, baby. Now get in the shower.

So, yes, it's all hard. But it's all good.

Right?

(please say yes! please say yes!)