Letter to my daddy

Hi Daddy.

Today, six years ago, I said my last goodbye to you. I don't know if you heard it, but I believe you did. I'll never forget caring for you those last days...the last hours...that you were trapped by your disease, choked by cancer, oblivious to the world you were leaving behind. It was the roughest thing I've ever seen, done, experienced....but what a blessed gift it was at the same time. I learned about God from your death. I learned to not fear death. I learned that I could care for a sick person compassionately. I learned what Cancer is like in the end. I learned a few things about our family too, but will keep that tucked in my back pocket.

Your Eldest Granddaughter was there when you died. When you were still awake, but could not talk, you were aware of her. This four month old you asked to have placed on your chest so you could touch her -- love her to the very end. It's unforgettably painful and beautiful at the same time. The human spirit is amazing. As complicated as the spirit can be, you longed for and gave out the simplest of needs: love. Love of a baby. Love of your legacy. I'm so thankful that you got to meet her, Daddy. I'm so thankful that you got to see how beautiful she is, and that she brought you some smiles. And, part of me that is so incredibly sad and grieving that you'll never meet Your Little Granddaughter. I make sure my kids know who you are, Daddy. They know you are special, and wonderful, and that you are real. You would be so breathtaken with Your Little Granddaughter. She's so vibrant and radiant and FUNNY. And BLONDE! Can you believe she's a BLONDIE??

Today, I was so happy as I left to work. I got to the building, and was waiting at the elevator. I looked down and guess what I saw? A penny. A bright, shiny, 2006 penny. It was you. You were saying "hi" to me. I find these pennies at the times I need them most. So, I picked you up, took you to my desk, and you sit now on my keyboard so I could think of you all day.

You're missed, Daddy. Oh so much, you're missed. I love you beyond words and beyond time. Thanks for bringing me into this world. I can't wait to see you in the next one.

Love forever,
Jackie