Yesterday was Father's Day as we all know.
It's such a bittersweet day for me. As I revel in the sweet melodic memories of watching My Two Princesses bond with Their Daddy, I can't shake the void of My Own Father.
I struggle daily knowing he's not here on Earth with me anymore. It's an especially hard struggle on days such as Thanksgiving - our family's favorite holiday. It was the only day of the year my parents, brother and I sat down together as a family for a meal. We were always in a hurry to eat so we can watch the Cowboys play.
I miss Daddy on his birthday. It even landed on Thanksgiving sometimes.
I miss Daddy on Veterans Day and Memorial Day. He was a 30 year career soldier in the Army. Damned fine one at that.
I miss Daddy every holiday with my children because I grieve the potential. I wish he could've seen me and My Husband get married. I wanted him to give me away and share the father-daughter dance. I grieve that he won't be around to see My Girls learn to ride a bike, get a crush on a boy, graduate high school, get married. He won't be here to be a great grandfather. He isn't here to share his lap and read a story to them.
He barely lived long enough to meet My Eldest. He will never meet My Little One.
I hate cancer.
Hi Daddy,
I feel you with me all the time. You say hello to me at all the important times and the not so important times because I find pennies and see red cardinals. We even found a little plastic toy soldier at the lake where your ashes melted into the waters where you fished. I know your spirit resides in me....in My Girls....and we will forever be touched by you. But I really long to touch those rough hands so tan from golfing. I miss playing Hollywood Gin with you and hearing you say, "incisions, incisions". The days at the Saddle Bronc fryin' catfish and hushpuppies, singing old country songs with one of your buddies who is sitting on the old tractor pickin' guitar. Yeah. Sure miss you, Daddy.
Love you <---------this much----------->
~Juliette Bravo
Okay...so I've never 'blogged' before...so what, geez! But after reading every one of your postings, I have to say I'm intrigued. There is something about the way you are able to share your feelings that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I feel as if we are even closer...if that's possible.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Jackie Lin, and I respect you so much. I am extremely thankful that we have remained friends...no, best friends over the years.
And I know...without a doubt...that your Daddy is smiling down on you with nothing but love and admiration filling his heart. And someday you will walk with him again, holding those rough hands you love so much. And you can give 'cancer' a big raspberry!
And that's all I got to say about that....
the Hobbit
I love you to, woman.
ReplyDeleteAgreed, I hate cancer.
ReplyDeleteWith the arrival of NJ, I have spent alot of time on my loveseat looking up at the pictures atop my bookcases. There are two of my side of the family, my Mom and Dad, sister, brother-in-law, two nieces, M and G. NJ is the only missing piece in the pictures. My Mom is the only missing piece now. There will never be pictures of both of them and that devestates me.
At least she has the pictures and the stories I will tell. NJ has her own angel who will watch her closely. I find comfort in that.
~L