Blubbering Idiot

Prior to a much-needed Starbuck's visit, a mom friend and I met in our children's classroom today. She mentioned that she blogged about her son graduating yesterday; an event that was shared with my eldest daughter. They graduated Pre-K and are prepared for Kindergarten -- and beyond.

Before I ever got to the school with all my media devices (35 mm, digital and video cameras) - only one of of which was utilized - I was crying. Not just crying like Demi Moore in "Ghost". I mean BLUBBERING. This is a major milestone for my baby girl, er, My Eldest. I almost mourn it more than I celebrate it. (I'm sure there's something VERY wrong about that....)

Admittedly, I had a *really* hard time with her turning five. I teared up for a solid month just thinking about it. I sobbed when she lost her first tooth. The Year of Five has been this whirlwind of "firsts" and "milestones" that are zooming by me. However, last Friday at the parent/teacher conference, I was reminded that it might not be going as fast I think it is. My Eldest's teacher gave us (her) a wonderful compliment. She says, "even though she's so advanced - most kids at her level are usually so precocious and obnoxious - your daughter is still a kid and she's so, so sweet." I cried - the Demi Moore "Ghost" cry.

What's kind of paradoxical is that My Eldest is SOOOO *not* five in most ways. Most ways, she's 17. She's bossy, antagonistic, sassy, begs me for a convertible, talks with the words "like" a lot (ew), even has a pimple under her right nostril currently. A teenager I tell you! Not helping me, or her, is that she's big for her age, smarter than your average bear, and looks like a grade-school kid. If I had a quarter for every time I heard "is she 7? 8?".... Alas, no, she's a pre-pre-pre-teenager who graduated from Montessori Pre-K (side proud momma note: advanced Kinder curriculum actually). I'm crying right now.....

Then there are the times she reminds me how very five she is: needing all kinds of things before going to bed at night, climbing into our bed during wild Texas thunderstorms, wanting a new My Little Pony from the displays along the checkout line at Target, wearing pig tails with ribbons, and how she still so loves shows like "Clifford the Big Red Dog" and "Sesame Street".

Oh! And when she falls asleep with her nose nuzzled into her tattered but reliable stuffed Elmo.

My mini-me looked so sweet yesterday. She looked so five. Yet I couldn't help but to momentarily think how much futher away from me she is growing. And how I am struggling for ways to keep us close. So I am remind myself to pray, and remember she is, thank God, only five and those teenage years are still in the distant future. (ahem - let me get my tissue....sniff, sniff. Allergies, y'know.....)

Deep breath. Big sigh. I get to through this all again when my Little One turns five and graduates. Yet another crying "opportunity". Is my mascara running?