Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bridging Gaps

Yeah....

I'm at THAT age.

The middle part.

Yes, I'm only 37, and to most, that seems young for much-maligned "middle age", but do the math. Double 37 and you have 74. I'll be lucky to see 74 because genetically speaking, The Cancer is pretty much my mode of death in my 60's. Hell, I might even be a "late bloomer" in the "middle aged" phase of life.

I'm awakening. Slowly.

And, when I peer through the squint, and manage to make out the images through the foggy, sleepy-eyed me, I can see a figure. The figure is Potential Jackie. She's smiling. There's levity as evidenced by her very countenance. She's finished school. Her kids are happy. She's present in moments. I see her dancing, a full, white, long skirt flowing in the wind; her long hair wrapped around her shoulders and neck spinning with arms outstretched.

Over here, I'm standing. I'm Stuck Jackie. Split fifteen different ways. On the inside looking out. Passive. Heavy with emotional, spiritual and physical weight. Even sad but very, very aware of the goings-on and ruminations of my soul. I am sitting in black, indian-style, head bowed in prayer, sometimes even looking away.

There's my beloved body of water between Stuck Jackie and Potential Jackie. I love the water. As I always say, it frees me. The water frees me. But now, it's between the Me-s. I can swim it. I can boat it. I could float it. I could build a bridge.

Building a bridge requires a lot of activity, planning, hard work, struggle.

I think I'll start doing that.

3 comments:

  1. The potential Jackie is the stuck Jackie--they're no different, they are what makes the complete Jackie. The Jackie of 74 or whatever age Hashem takes you to. I like both of the Jackie's, I miss both of the Jackies and wish one of the Jackie's could come out and play! :) L-KB(dallas)

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  2. sometimes you have to leap into the water and trust that God will walk you to the other side. sometimes it's the limiting assumption that we need boats, bridges, etc., that precisely holds us back.

    we are given this one mortal life. seems to me the worst sin is to waste it in not boldly pursuing our own potential.

    this is a reminder to me as well as i contemplate the changes i must make in my own path.

    : D

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  3. I understand this concept fully and am right there with ya babe! Loves ya! ~L

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