Where Are You?

A reminder. Did you need it too?

Duggar Done Dug Deep

Welp. This Duggar scandal has really gone under the microscope, hasn't it. As well it should.

Josh Duggar has admitted to molesting his siblings and a non-family member. Incest and molestation. Those are very dirty deeds.  

I was thinking about the media and public (over)reaction to, well, almost any story, as well as this one in particular. If I'm looking at this story through a Morality Scope, the guy is in the wrong. He's done a badbad thing. If I'm looking at it through a Christian Lens, I'm thinking he's done the right thing: he's taking accountability for his sin in front of God, he's made amends to his victims, he's been forgiven by his victims and living with the consequences. He says he's a changed man.  We're called as a Christian people to forgive.

But we can't forgive child victimization of any kind.

Are we even supposed to?

We adults - Christian or not - are all called to protect the innocents, the children. Not even in prison do hardened criminals like commingling with molesters. The only prisoners who do are also child predators.

Did any of the Duggars expect that they could issue an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, issue an apology and life as they knew it would move forward? Did they really think they'd be free of public scrutiny and judgement? (Why would public judgement matter if all that matters is what's right with God?)

I'm really conflicted on how to feel about this situation. By what's been reported, Josh did all the "right" actions.  He's admitted he's done wrong. He's apologized, received forgiveness, too.  The public normally decries those who denydenydeny then seek an apology after a broad, dismissive apology is issued by our famouspeople. We demand that those politicians, religious leaders, teachers, anyone who has committed any offense, just say, "yeah, I did that. I'm a jerk and I'm sorry. I have been in contact with my victims. I go to therapy. I'm working on my problems". And here, Josh did what We The Public demand, yet We The Public are being just as hard on him as if he lied/denied.

If it wasn't crimes against kids, would We The Public would be a lot more lenient and forgiving.? I dare say, "yes". Because it involves kids, molesting and incest! I don't think I can forgive and trust that Josh's actions are all in the past -- that it was just a stupid teenager phase. 

Sex crimes are the most scary of crimes. Research shows that sexual predators cannot be rehabilitated (male or female). I remember there was a time in the 90's where the "solution" for male sexual deviancy was castration. Cutting the dick and nuts off a man isn't going to change his sexually oriented, power hungry mind. And if castration is the "solution", why wouldn't we also cut the vaginas off women? See the problem there? It's the mind, not the anatomy, that controls a sexual predator.  And what's the solution? Isolation?

In my opinion, their show should be off the air immediately and they should receive no more revenue from their show. It should never be in any sort of syndication. There should be no spin-off, as is rumored. Media needs to quit covering the family and let the family heal from within, and let them just regular people. And to the Duggars: if the network won't cut you off, just leave. That would be commendable. While it's important to learn lessons, there's no good that can come from profiting from the victims - even if the victims agree to allow it.  An argument can be made that "watching" the process of "healing and forgiveness" would help someone, I suppose. There are plenty of other avenues one can learn, heal and be helped besides watching this family on cable TV.  I don't even want to hear about an "update" show in 10 years. The Duggars should just fade back into a non-public life. 

I will worry about Josh Duggar's kids. I will worry about any child he's around. 

I offer my prayers to Josh and his victims.  

And I don't even have cable.....SMH.  Oy!  *laughing*

Happy Birthday, Wonder Whoosh

Happy Ninth Birthday Wonder Whoosh!

Taller

Two nights ago, My Little One - a mere nine years old - was helping empty a box of groceries I ordered from Amazon Prime Pantry (which, by the way, is GREAT!).

To my surprise, she was able to put a bag of chips on top of the refrigerator, and I totally stopped my cooking, mouth agape, then commended her for growing up!

Me:  OMGOSH! You're tall enough to put the chips on top of the fridge?!?!?!?!
Her: Yeah. *shrug*

Clearly this is a bigger deal to me than her.  For a split second I wondered if she's been doing this for a while now and I just haven't seen it before. Then I went through a splitsplit second of feeling guilty, like I was too busy to notice her first step or something. But I've been doing a lot of soul work on not beating myself up so for a splitsplitSPLIT second, I kicked those negative thoughts to the curb and checked back OUT of *myself* and back IN to *her*.

Me: I had NO IDEA you were that tall!!
Her: *reaches with her finger tips to the top edge of the fridge -- on her tennis-shoed tippy toes, smiling PROUDLY*
Me: *smiles PROUDLY back*

Fast forward to this morning.....

She is fresh out of bed, wanders into the kitchen, hair in her face, slouching from notreadytobeawakeyetness.  I clear her mophair off her pretty face, revealing those gorgeous kissylips that's greeting me with a sleepy smile. I give her a soft kiss and tell her good morning.

Her:  I can't believe how tall I've grown! I have to bend down to touch the dogs tail now! It's like I have monkey arms.
Me: *laughs OUT LOUD* No, honey. Monkey arms are LONGER than normal. If you had monkey arms, they'd be closer to the ground.
Her:  Oh. Yeah. I meant T-Rex arms *she tucks her elbows into her ribcage, hands out front, waving them, talking in a babyvoice* Look at meeeee. I'm a T-Rex with baby arrrrrms.
Me: *giggling at her silliness*

Later, as I was on the train to work, I was reflecting on her perspective. We have a tendency to acknowledge the UPS of growing taller, but not acknowledge the DOWNS of growing taller. How many people would've thought, "I have to bend over to pet my dog now"?

I would've....at 44....when some kid brought it to my attention. But at her little nine year old mind, she was already cognizant of it.

Brains are awesome.
Thoughts are too.
And so is my kiddo.

~Whoosh!

Favorite Words: Calumnious

Adjective:

        of, involving, or using calumny; slanderous; defamatory

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Funny how life is. Funny how words are. Funny how words change in life and how life changes words (context?).

I haven't posted a "favorite word" recently, let alone regularly. I went back at some old "Favorite Word" posts to see how I formatted the blog entry only to discover I had forgotten something. I forgot I used to post a weekly word. The title read, "Weekly Word of the Weak". Huh. Totally forgot. Totally.

Then somewhere along the way the W3, as it were, morphed in the very lazy title "Favorite Words:". 

I think I have commitment issues as evidence by my inability to keep posting awesome vocabulary weekly. That was a pretty witty title, I must say (humbly)! Why'd I ever stop doing that??

Oh yeah. Life. And ....stuff. Lifestuff. 

I want to go back and start doing it because there is some beautiful, rarely unspoken language out there -- in my case, English language.  The abundance of words to describe, to read, to write, is endless! I LOVE LANGUAGE!

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Back to this entry's word: calumnious.

I read it here for the first time. I love me some Bishop Farrell. The dude is SMART. I'd nominate him for Pope after Francis if I was a Cardinal in the College.  

By posting the link to Bishop Farrell's blog entry about freedom, is by no means my attempt to convert you politically or religiously. It's merely a point of context and the origin of where I learned this very interesting word.

It's a word that doesn't just apply to faith and religion. It could be in your professional and personal worlds too. In fact, sometimes, I feel like I've been experiencing a personal trial that involves a person being negative toward me, and I relate my story to my therapist or a friend, I'm being calumnious.

But that's changing. There's a way to be honest about something, someONE and not be calumnious. It's been hard to learn this lesson, and I hope I can continue to see that when I'm being authentic to someone, about someone, that my truth is based in compassion, good intention and respect. 

~Whoosh!

 

Love and Peace

I've been going through a lot of soul searching. I've arrived at a pretty basic conclusion. I just want to love and be loved.

People make it complicated.

*laughing*

Y'know, there's a lot of bad shit going on in the world. From my home, my neighborhood, my state, country, the world. There's just baaaaad shit. I don't even watch the news and I know the world is filled with hateful acts. I'm sick and tired of hearing about "rights" and "wars", all the sub-categories of those, and all the categories they spawn. Between hate crime, gay discrimination, women's equality, gun rights, ISIS, crooked politicians, law-breaking teachers, moralistics, apologetics, blahblahblah, I just get zapped into negative oblivion.  I feel sorry for people who lock themselves into that mode of living. It seems to me, living in a world of news will disconnect you from people.

Right now, I don't CARE that there's a mosque being built in Anytown, USA. I DON'T care that a bad verdict was handed down by a judge and jury in a criminal case. I DON'T CARE that someone committed suicide and took out a bunch of people with him.   I don't care who gets botox injections or why everyone's giving backlash at some celebrity for a tweet.  Why does any of that matter to me, right now, in my ordinary life in Dallas, Texas? When it matters is when it'll matter. When the bomb drops on me, when Harry Styles shows up to ask my daughter out on a date (not yet, Harry. Wait 4 more years.), when pigs fly....

Is it bad that I like burying my head in the sand to humanity?That's for you to decide. Hell, you can even judge me and tell me so, but it will only isolate you and I.  The more you're confrontational, the more retractive I am, and that's who I am.

If you're inclined to police society, that's who you are. I don't get it, but you people serve a good purpose, for the most part. We can all agree that there are radicals and misunderstoods out there that push the Limits of Extreme. But if you're a policy maker, policy enforcer, rule maker, rule enforcer, authority of any kind, good on ya. I'll be the sheep. Baaaa.

I'm drawn to people who listen.
I'm drawn to people who empathize.
I'm drawn to people, who despite a disagreement, will respect me enough to honor my position.

What I DO care about is do my children feel loved by me? Am I bringing them up in a way they can look at the world with a compassionate soul? Am I equipping them with the tools they need to forage through rough relationships on all levels, including their relationship with Yours Truly.

What I do CARE about is am I being kind to you, one-on-one?
What I DO CARE about is love, compassion, connection.

And here I am, among others, who are just trying to live this life one day at a time. It's ordinary, definitely below that life I imagined as  youngster. It's a good life, and I'm right where I'm supposed to be *today*. I'm not out on a peace keeping mission or feeding the hungry; I'm not researching cures for disease, fighting crime or famous.

I gotta believe in the good of the world.
I gotta believe in the basic good of humanity.
I gotta trust my higher power who will protect me and my kids.
I gotta be me (and I'm always changing...).

I do.
I will.

Your Song

My heart's been overflowing love today.
This tune crossed my way.

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It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

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~Whoosh

Not Me

I'm 44 years old and there's a lot I don't know about myself. I'm really finding my way.  I admire those women who've said they "found myself" in their 30's. What must that be like?

Reflecting on my 30's, I can say, I did become someone. I can't say I "found" it. It "found" me. Motherhood. Yeah, I became a mom in my 30's. I also became a wife. I remained a daughter, a sister, a cousin, an aunt. I was all those things long before 30. I was also a former girlfriend, a ex-best friend, an ex-wife.

A couple of things I've always been: a sports fan, a writer, a reader. I've travelled, relocated a time or seven.

But those are rather shallow parts of me -- roles, I suppose. There's more to those roles. Being a mother, for example, spawned a myriad of other roles -- complicated ones. I don't recall ever being an advocate before having kids. I am one now! I don't remember learning much about medicine and the human body, but I'm definitely a sortakinda doctorpsychologistteacher. Speaking of teacher -- it's difficult to tell kids how to do something, especially with patience!

Another "thing" that "found" me: my faith. It was in my 30's that I really did learn more about God, about Catholicism. I was baptized on Easter Sunday nine years ago this coming Easter.

Yeah, I didn't do a lot of seeking. I did a lot of receiving. That's not so bad, except I still feel pretty lost.

Y'know, times have changed something fierce in my lifetime. My lifetime is just like that of my parents'. I compare what inventions they witnessed to those of my generation, those of this generation. It's quite mindblowing, really. Things move so fast. With the Information Age seemingly in control of us more then we it, it's easy for me to bury my head in the sand and just basically ignore the drama in the world.

I have noticed, over my lifetime, I've connected deeply with people that are strongly principled, moralistic and opinionated; strongly convicted folk. That's just not me. I don't have these WE MUST FIGHT notions of global awareness and the wrongs of the world. I don't like politics -- that's not me. I didn't grow up going to church, and I tend to cling to the "feel-good" parts of God, so I don't have the most rigid moralistic views and practices -- that's not me. I gravitate to love, love, love all the time. I don't like confrontation -- that's not me.

I imagine, as I gain wisdom and experience, I might become one or all or some of the "not me" types. For now, though, I'm just gonna be. Be Me.

YES!

Guhgree!

Dallas Cowboys Aren't Just A Football Team

I've been thinking for a few years now that the Dallas Cowboys seem to have this unpublished, unspoken of "rehab" program. So many "problem" players seem to sift through the doors of Valley Ranch, and some of them do alright, I suppose. 

Dez Bryant is a player with a troubled past. He assaulted his own mother, has been accused of assaulting the mother of his child. He seems to have turned a page since the hitting-his-mother incident. He's stayed out of domestic violence trouble and has really produced at a phenomenal rate on the field. The media says he's "matured" or "is maturing". That's one way to describe the positive change in him.

Another controversial teammate is Josh Brent. He's repeatedly been in trouble while on the roster. His offenses include DUI and even murder. He killed fellow team mate Jerry Brown while driving under the influence. He's served time in jail. That whole time, the Cowboys stood by him, supporting him through the ordeal. Josh Brent remains on the team to this day, though he doesn't really play. Not sure what that's all about....

Last week, the Cowboys signed a one year deal with Greg Hardy last week. Greg Hardy has abused his girlfriend in the past -- real, documented, againstthelaw abuse. Yet, he's now a Cowboy. 

Jerry Jones, the owner and GM of the Cowboys has a daughter named Charlotte, who discussed the rationale of signing men who have these sorts of pasts. She cited "support" and "resources" for the perpetrator and the victim. 

Now it's been acknowledged. The hunch I've had for a while now: The Dallas Cowboys are the NFL's rehab.