Eighteen

It's quiet.
And dark.
And still.
And still,
I'm awake.

You, my brown eyed beauty,
Today, you're eighteen.

Memory lane moves fast!
I am so proud of you now and always!

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I made a playlist of all the number one songs on the pop/top 40 music charts on October 8th from the year 2000 through today. Here's the soundtrack of your life:

2000: Come on Over Baby (All I Want is You) - Christina Aguilera
2001: Fallin' - Alicia Keys
2002: A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson
2003: Baby Boy - Beyonce
2004: Goodies - Ciara
2005: Gold Digger - Kanye West
2006: SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
2007: Crank That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy
2008: Whatever You Like - T.I.
2009: I Gotta Feelin' - Black Eyed Peas
2010: Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars <3 p="">2011: Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5
2012: One More Night - Maroon 4
2013: Royals - Lorde
2014: All About that Bass - Megan Trainor
2015: The Hills - The Weeknd
2016: Closer - The Chainsmokers
2017: Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B
2018: Girls Like You - Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B

And some fun additions:

8TEEN - Khalid
Eighteen - One Direction

Duran Duran Appreciation Day 2018

May you have cherry ice cream smiles, views to a kill, diamonds in the mine, free butterfly girls and la la la la lava lamps!

International Cat Day

The Life of A Dead Woman: Legacies

June 19th Mom became ....Infinite. 

Me, my kids, my brother, his wife & kids & the oneandonly great-grandchild surrounded her. Her eyes sunken, her mouth agape, her loyal chihuahua between her calves, the continuous care nurse checking for heartbeat until her gentle blessing, “she’s gone”.

We all told her we love her.

I rubbed her shin, noticing the curl of her big toe, telling her we are all here, no need to wait anymore. We promised to take care of her dog, who is quite old.

Before getting to her bedside, I reassured My Girls that seeing their grandmother in this state is totally their choice. I tried to give them information so as to set a relatively realistic expectation. They both chose to go in but shortly after, My Little One asked to be excused. I am proud of their honest, vulnerable courage to make the choices they did.  It's a difficult task - teaching that death is part of life. 

I'd like to thank my brother & his family for accepting the challenge, embracing the tasks of caring for our mom through her end-of-life. It can be difficult to have a parent living with you, let alone a dying one. They allowed medical staff & clergy to come & go. There were trying times, but in the end, what won was mom's comfort. 

We are left with Her Infinity, Her Legacy. A woman who taught all of us how to LIVE, how to FIGHT, how to LAUGH. We are imprinted with the woman she was before she was our mother. 

For Us Left Behind, all of us in our own way witnessed what smoking can do to one's body: the addiction, the COPD, the hospital visits, the rehabs. We were riding that emotional rollercoaster with her. My brother nor I smoke. Our kiddos all seem pretty disgusted by it (hopefully enough to not do it in their adult years!).

She would say how lucky she is to have lived as long and as fully as she did. I think she figured she wasn't going to have the longevity she had. She was raised in an abusive home & some abusive relationships, living all her life completing school to only the ninth grade. She survived four different kinds of cancers and wore that fact like a badge of honor. (She smoked until the final month of her life, unapologetically!) 

My brother and I will drive to west Texas to spread her ashes among those of our father's. I am looking forward to that event. Writing about it now, I'm tearing up because I can't imagine the feels I'll experience when that moment is real. I'm sure I will feel some serenity, though.

Friday the 13th Words of Wisdom

Bands/Musical Artists I've Seen Live

There’s been a viral post on the Book of Faces. Figured I put it on my blog.

• Duran Duran (duh) x5
• Bon Jovi
• Cinderella
• Cranberries
• One Direction x2
• Kacey Musgraves
• George Strait x2
• Rolling Stones
• Bryan Adams
• Huey Lewis & The News
• Keith Sweat (lol)
• Josh Groban
• Boyce Avenue (why are they not more famous??)
• Kenny Rogers
• Oak Ridge Boys
• Righteous Brothers
• The Eagles (Hell Freezes Over tour)
• U2 x3
• Hootie & The Blowfish
• Darius Rucker
• Lady Antebellum
• Tanya Tucker
• The Lumineers
• Muse x2
• Pat Green
• Rod Stewart
• Vicente Fernandez
• Linda Ronstadt
• Chic
• Foreigner
• Neon Trees
• Gin Blossoms
• Van Halen (Sammy)
• Kid Rock
• Harry Styles
• LillithFair 1997

To be continued.....

The Living of A Dying Woman: Transitioning

My Mom is transitioning to death. 

According to the nurse, "she isn't actively dying yet". 

I've been granted the wonderful, painful, conflicting, confusing gift of time with My Mom. 

Her little Chihuahua, a pain-in-the-ass but oh-so-loyal sweetheart crotchety old man of a dog doesn't leave her side much. He escorts us back and forth to the bathroom, right along side the walker. He lays between her ankles or knees, sleeping, under the covers. If you try to move him, he's at a point where he will growl and get angry at you. He's a very protective, worried pupperdoggo. As Mom eats less, as does he. I wouldn't be surprised see see them die the same day. It's a little macabre, maybe, but it's also kind of endearing.

Mom loves watching tennis - always has. The TV has stayed on the Tennis Network for the last few days.

None of us gets the choice to not have cancer.  Somehow we trick ourselves into thinking it won't choose us. My reality is that I will very, VERY likely have some form of terminal cancer.  Being afflicted with it somehow, miraculously, spawns gifts....plants seeds of new life. If you *try*. If you can trudge through your feels, surrender the selfishness of the loss, you will see the beauty of death, the sun rising in the body. Weak smiles. Whispery laughter. You can look around and bear witness to the legacies. 

Mom's body will give up soon, and her soul will rise, rise, rise to the great beyond. And I will be standing 'neath the warm sunbeams she will shine down on me, a smile on my face.

I love you so much, mom. Thank you for choosing life and saying "yes" to me.

xo

Tazo Tuesday

Tea Wisdom

Flower Friday

Wordless Wednesday: Bandit & Big Blue