Drum Roll, Please....

I'm not overly excited yet. I refuse to jump for joy until it's official, but....

*drum roll*

I unofficially made a B in my class!!

*faints*

Now...to find the life I left behind.....

*wanders off*

Test Anxiety

Tomorrow is my final.

I'm terrified about the outcome.

My grade isn't as good as I hoped it would be, but it is a fair grade considering the effort I've put into the reading, which has turned into a part-time job. It's seriously a struggle and I realize that I need some accommodation of some sort for future classes.

I've been madstudying, but feeling like I'm wasting more time than utilizing it. I'm positive I have some focus issues (as evidenced by this post!), as well as reading comprehenion issues. I am considering getting tested for the reading comprehension, if they even do that sort of thing for 40 year old college students! *laughing*

Anyway, to add to all that just-described mess, I'm having anxiety.

My class is "Social and Personality Development" and it focuses on the way our personalities are shaped from birth through adolescence.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this class! I want to immerse myself more often in it, truthfully. My professor is astounding, and I will take as many classes from her as possible.

During the course of the semester, there was some material about self-fulfilling prophecy. Upon learning more about this peculiar aspect of the human psyche, I am convinced that I'm limiting myself by relying on notions of "I have test anxiety", and "my reading comprehension sucks", etc. While those things might be true, I will move past them. I will not allow that mentatlity of those facts to limit my potential. Now... the question begs... HOW? 

Reaching out.  That's how.

So, with that said, babystep one:  I'm reading out to you, requesting that you keep me in your thoughts, prayers, etc., as I take my final tomorrow. The magic number is 55 (or higher). 

Back to the book....

God Is Dead

He's quite the captivating speaker - emotive, gripping.  He uses inflection, passion, urgency. He moves around the Altar, vestments cascading in the broken sunlight.  His booming voice commands attention.  He speaks, too, with his hands.

Some would say he's a good priest --  holy, devout, strict, knowledgeable. He professes the importantance of confession, community, denial of self/flesh/This World.

Women might even tease about his fetching good looks.  He's fairly young, Italian, has good hair, wears his glasses smartly - fit build.

Giggling kids would ooze about his sense of humor and how he used "diarrhea" in a homily once.  He tells jokes. He shares silly stories of his own embarrassing moments, and intertwines his faith into the anectdotes.  He's very popular at St. Ann's in Coppell, Texas, where he is adored by the teen youth. I believe there is even a Facebook fan page for him craeted by those kids!

Truth is, Fathar Alfonse is just a human. He's like me and you. He wears baseball caps and likes to cook, just like the rest of us. He is in conflict with his father.  He says women are pretty.  I would venture to guess he shops at Target.  He speeds and gets tickets.  He and we are the same. He has sinned, and continues to sin.  Just so happens, by his very service to God, that he happens to have way more religious education than most of us do and a wider breadth of the human condition.

But I'm not here to adulate one of the priests at my parish.  I am here, however, to honor Father Alfonse as one of the Vessels of God, thusly, giving glory to God. Father indeed has a special God-given talent with spoken words.  Through Father Alfonse, similar to Monsignor Don, I hear words in ways anew. I breathe them in in ways that offer me more life and warmth. Not all priests possess this ability, even though I'm open to hearing the message from any priest.   So I am thankful to have the blessings of Father Alfonse (the blessings of God).

+

Fr. Alfonse opened the Good Friday homily in rather intentionally dramatic fashion with, "I'm about to tell you something, and I'm not exaggerating.".  He quoted the German athiest philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, referring to how all of us - you and I - have killed God. Then Father said (paraphrasing):  God is dead.  Today (dramatic pause) God (slight pause) is dead. And we have killed Him. Everyone of us, you and I included, we've killed Him.

I'd never thought about that before - that on Holy Saturday, the world is without God. There's no heaven. No promise. No life in Him. There's no glory or hope. There's no light or faith. There is Nothing. There is darkness.

My mind and Triduum habits have historically leapt over Holy Saturday from Good Friday's Passion to the "Service of Light" (Christ Light to the world -- the darkness ignited with The Resurrection)  in the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday night (my second favorite service behind the Washing of Feet on Holy Thursday).   This year, I was awakened to living in darkness.  Yeah, I needed that.

+

Next reverberation - more words spoken through Father: Today, we are united with our separated breatheren.

With the understanding that God is dead  today, there is no divide of humanity. If you are athiest, non-Christian, fallen-away Christian ... ANYONE...you and I, we are Godless today. We.Are.The.Same.People.  I'm not sure if it's good or bad, right or wrong, or anything that can be defined, but I find great peace and comfort in knowing that finally, for one day a year, you and I are the same.

Throwing my faith into the aforementioned truth, I can see that I should be unsettled. I should not feel peace. How could I feel peace when I am in a dark, scary, lonely, Godless world? I should feel fear and anxiety.

But I don't. And I'm not going to judge that I feel peace about it.

Fr. Alfonse's Blog

And Just For Kicks....New Music!

I thought I'd post some of the choice songs from the Duran Duran album All You Need Is Now:

+  Being Followed
+  Man Who Stole A Leopard (featuring Kelis)
+  Before The Rain
+  Too Bad You're So Beautiful
+  Early Summer Nerves
+  All You Need Is Now

The whole thing is good, like I've said previously.  Safe, Girl Panic, Leave A Light On...all songs with good moods to them.

Do yourself a favor and pick it up....

~whoosh~

April Showers

Gawd! I miss this place! I'm finding other homes, healthy and unhealthy, approved and disapproving, but I'm lurking. Always. I am paying attention, even if you can't tell I am.

School has really become a part-time job. I'm making a C, which is about what I'm putting into it. It's fair. I need a B. I'm not sure I can catch an A at this point. Pray for me....

I managed to overcommit myself. Imagine?!  MOI? Too busy?!

Today, one commitment ended. Next weekend, another will come to a close.  School will be done by month-end. My work has suffered and I'm ever so grateful for my friends and co-workers, bosses and other staff who have carried some weight there for me.  I'm also grateful for a family who has tried so hard to bend with the wind, yet managed to find it slapping them right in the face in full gust.

I miss my family.

I miss my friends.

Thankfully, I feel like I'm missed, too.  *kiss*

And, between the busy, I've tweeted the hell out of sports and double entendre and poetry. I love that #the2300 group!  It keeps me up way too late, but it's a fun, innocent escape.  I managed, too, to go to a Duran Duran concert at the Winstar in Thackerville, Oklahoma.  Best! Concert! EVER! I've never seen Simon so animated with each and every song! At the end, Simon screamed out "who's your daddaaayyyy?" over and over and I think I came pretty close to ...  well... you get the idea!  haha  Seriously, such a good show and I'm hungry for more!  The new album is really wonderful...well, beyond wonderful. It's money well spent!

My Stars lost tonight, which means no playoffs. I'm going to try really hard to like baseball this year.  I draw the line at Mavs. Can't do pro hoops.  Speaking of hoops -- Duke.  *sigh*  Yet another sports fail.

I need to get back to reading but wanted to steal a moment to say hi for those of you still out there checking every once in a while (I'm so glad you do...).  Not too much longer and I'll be back more regularly.

~whoosh

Personality Differences

I have been so terribly busy since January. I've been taking a psychology class one night a week, but the reading alone is a part-time job because of the amount of energy I have to expend doing so. 

I was blessed enough to be stopped in time to notice a few items around the house that made me stop and smile. 

This basket is called "The Come & Go Basket". It's filled with borrowed books that My Eldest has read or is currently reading.  The books are ones checked out from her school library, the local library, borrowed from friends or family, or borrowed from teachers at school.  At any given time, I would guess that My Eldest is reading at least five books or more.  She finishes most thicker books in two days or less (like the ones on the right).  I'm amazed at her, and prayprayPRAY she stays this interested in reading her whole life!  

Anyway, I snapped this picture because I think it captures her essence.  She's introspective, knowledgeable about a lot of things, and interested in life, which is depicted in books.  The basket represents how she's a catch-all for stories.  Or how she is constantly filled.  The basket is never empty. Never.  It's a good symbol of who she is.

The borrowed book basket library of My Eldest

And then there's My Little One....  *laughing*

Look at the neatly lined-up paper umbrellas.  Yes, this is her.  She's playful, colorful, likes fancy things and she's even organized.  I wouldn't say that she's obsessed with order by any means, but she definitely likes things her way.  She knows what she wants & doesn't want.  She has an appreciation for how things look.  This photo, taken the same day as the Come & Go Basket photo, captures My Little One's essence, too.  Playful, observant, eye for detail, has a flair about her, and even some culture for her tender age.  

My Little One has an eye for design and structure

Too Bad You're So Beautiful

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase told to me.... *sigh*... (I'd still have zero dollars.)

:)

Sooooo...  HI! I miss you!

Leave it to Duran Duran to get me here for a quickie!

Tuesday - tomorrow - is the physical CD release of All You Need Is Now.

I guess this is a music release or band trend? Or maybe Duran2 is doing something a little different with music releases?  I'm not sure which it is, if either, because I'm 40 now and that means all things trendy and/or relevant, I am not allowed to know.  I'm so not a cool kid anymore. 

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that in December, Duran Duran released the AYNIN CD on iTunes only, meaning, you couldn't just go to the store and buy the CD; it was available only by download.  AYNIN has only nine (incredible) songs (except "Blame The Machines" - shh! don't tell anyone I dislike that one.), UNLESS you live in EUROPE, in which you get a BONUS track (From Mediterranea With Love).  That song was not released here in the States on iTunes (boo! and wtf?).  Anyway, tomorrow is the actual physical CD release where you can actually GO and BUY an actualy PHYSICAL compact disc of their actual new music and it has actually MORE tracks on it than what was actually release on the actual iTunes.

The song I attached to this blog is one of the BONUS PHYSICAL CD tracks. 

I'm all about supporting Duran Duran, but how many times do I have to buy the same songs?! Srsly!  This must be the trend in music these days, and I'm just now waking up in 2011.  Hello new world!

Side note: I saw them in concert on Friday night (yeah, like just a few days ago Friday night) in Thackerville, Oklahoma, at the Winstar Casino. Concert review pending.....

Favorite Words: Twitterpated

Long before Twitter, there was twitterpated...

'Tis that time of year....

Tweet!

Butterfly Birthday Girl

Yes, she IS going to have a butterfly shaped cake with blue frosting, and three layers of cake 'neath the creamybluegoodness.  The three layers will be vanilla, strawberry, chocolate -- a true neopolitan.  Oh, and don't forget the glitterrrr! 

My Little One told me yesterday that she had never seen yellow roses before.  We had been talking about state flowers, and I told her I thought the yellow rose was Texas's, but I must've thought that erroneously (I suspect because of that song The Yellow Rose of Texas - thanks Elvis!); every place I've looked says it's the bluebonnet.  I couldn't help but get her a dozen yellow roses to greet her at the breakfast table (complete with special request Orange Crush and donuts).  My Eldest made her the necklace she's wearing, which is paper rolled into beeds.  So special.... 

Anyway...

This day, five years ago, God blessed me with a sunshine so bright, warm and life-giving.  I'm not worthy to be in her light.....

Happy Birthday, Little One, and keep shining!

WW: Whoopi Goldberg

1. An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything.

If you could experience any life form that was not a human of your sex, what would you pick and why?

Este Mariposa. You'll see why when you click the link. :)

2. For some reason, all artists have self-esteem issues.

Do you have any self esteem issues? Do tell. (Since we all do.)

hahahahahaha!

We ALL have self-esteem issues! Duh! It's just a matter of degree and capacity.

3. I am the American Dream. I am the epitome of what the American Dream basically said. It said, you could come from anywhere and be anything you want in this country. That's exactly what I've done.

Do you believe in the American Dream or has it passed through time?

Yes, I do.

4. I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation.

It's been asked before, probably weekly, but what's irritating you today?

Today I'm irritated by not having enough time to plan My Little One's birthday party.

5. I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she's going to end up looking like me.

What do you think you'll end up looking like?

"End up" suggests....in old age? Post cosmetic surgery? After going 3 rounds with Pacquiao? While running over a bed of burning coals that's covering up a sea of thumb-tacks with the prickly sides up?

*overthinking the question*

:)

I'll look the way I'm supposed to: perfectly me.

6. I grew up in a time when it would never have occurred to anyone to tell me there was anything I couldn't do.

Has anyone told you that you could not do something?

Sure. Of course. I've also been told "you'll never be satisfied". Good? Or bad? At the time, I felt awful. I was crushed! It was most definitely a criticism, and it wasn't from a boyfriend/husband or significant other. I'm sure there's some truth to it, and as I've grown older, I don't see that as such a bad thing. It's about finding what to accept and what's unacceptable, then progressing.

But being told I couldn't so something -- absolutely it's been said to me, and I've even said it to and about myself.  There's nothing wrong with having a realistic view of oneself backed up by the checks-and-balance system of friends and family.

But to degrade someone in order to elevate oneself is downright shameless.

7. I want Carl Sagan to explain the sky to me.

Is there anybody dead that you'd like to talk to?

Thomas Jefferson. My dad.

8. If every American donated five hours a week, it would equal the labor of 20 million full-time volunteers.

Have you ever done volunteer work?

I have and still do! I love serving my community!

I've served as a volunteer for Big Brothers & Big Sisters, several church ministries, Southwest Jewish Congress, various capacities where my children attend school, Girl Scouts of America, Girl Scouts of Northeast Texas, and a handful of others. 

I shy away from political volunteerism. 

I have notions of helping with Downs Syndrome, Hospice, and some other special passions near and dear to my heart.

I'd love to be able to write "Philanthropist" on my tax form each year.

I admire those brave souls who are empowered with serving on the global scale.

9. It's being willing to walk away that gives you strength and power - if you're willing to accept the consequences of doing what you want to do.

Have you ever walked away from a job and regretted it?

"Walking away" implies to me that I quit on the spot and impulsively left the premises.  I've done this once when I was 19 and working for Pizza Hut. I don't regret it.

I haven't regretted leaving any job.

10. Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

Are you normal? Explain.

How do you see me?