El Paso STRONG

Moving

Guess who has two thumbs and owns her own house now?? My mortgage company! At least they're letting me claim it as a home address for a little while.

Yep! Ya girl bought a house! It's a beautiful home where My Kids and I can make new memories, healing memories. It's a place where we all have a space. It offers an oasis of relaxation, daydreaming, live streaming, art scheming, and even a little deep-end diving. We're here and we're thriving!

My house, which we call "Juneau", isn't so big that I can't handle it when I live alone eventually. And it's a good size for all of us to live here for a good while. It's also in a good neighborhood that will allow my investment to grow, to appreciate, and eventually, My Kids can own or sell it. It's a "future" thing, while we all just try to live in - and appreciate - THIS moment.

We recently travelled to Colorado, where we bought some sage at a metaphysical shop. Brought it home and saged the house. I placed some energy stones in the windows to maintain harmony, have some protection. 

I've been experiencing a myriad of feelings. I thought I might cry and feel so victorious when I signed my last signature and received the key, but I didn't cry. I sat in my car, alone, holding the key, trying to live in the moment. I took several deep breaths and expected a flood of tears, a flood of joy, a flood of sheer relief to overcome me, but it hasn't happened yet. Is this what it's like to feel confident in a decision? Is this what it feels like that have "arrived". I did this! I! DID! THIS! 

I already fear the financials. I'm not super money savvy and I worry I won't be able to afford the house. I worry about if something major goes wrong, how am I going to fix it? Who will I call? How will I know if I'm being scammed or taken for granted? 

I have a big, BIG worry about safety. I'm scared my ex-husband will come over and shoot us. I worry he'll find a way to sabotage me. I worry he'll taunt the kids. I wish he didn't legally have to know where I live. I have an alarm system and cameras, a special lock system, but he's devious and I will never trust him.

BUT -- know this: I will not allow my fear of him dictate me living my life. Some day, he will be a non-factor, a non-person, a not-necessary human in my life. 

In the meantime, I will have pool parties, game nights, dive-in movie watching, birthday, Christmases, Thanksgivings, Valentines Days, First and Last Days of Schools, friends, family and lots of love in this home, My Juneau. 

I'm a very lucky human being. Grateful beyond belief.