Kindergartner the Jaguar

Today, My Eldest the Kindergartner becomes a Jaguar. Yes, our eldest is now attending Kindergarten at our church! She looks so sweet and mature in her burgandy & plaid uniform, oversized backpack (complete with puppy nap pillow & Barbie towel) and Wonder Woman lunchbox (her choosing -- not mine!)

I cried, of course. Duh! I was trying to privately cry through the bittersweet milestone while I was getting ready this morning. My Eldest traipsed into the bathroom, backpack, lunchbox and all. She noticed as I brushed my unkempt hair from my face that I was crying. The conversation went something like this:

Eldest: "Aww Mommy. You're crying"

Me: I wrestle a smile and confirm my tears.

Eldest: "Are you sad, Mommy?"

Me: "Sad and happy, honey"

She thinks for a second.

Eldest: "Adults are too old to cry for their kids first day of school"

Me: "I'm too old to cry?"

Eldest: "Yeah."

Me: "I think I won't be the only crying mommy today, love."

Eldest: puts her five year old hand on my forearm and gives me a gentle squeeze, "I know it's hard being a mommy sometimes"

Me: I smile and nod my head in agreement, choking back yet more tears.

She turns on her new all-white athletic shoes and leaves me to finish getting ready. I took a moment to pray in gratitude for our sweet, compassionate and funny Kindergartner.

Numb

It is done.

My Eldest is an official Kindergartner at a local parochial school.

And we are poorer than poor. We're po'. My Husband says we will be on a diet of peanut butter and jelly sammiches or ramen noodles. He tenderly says to me, "we don't have to have meat at every dinner". I didn't even know how to respond to that.

The rationale is all there. My Eldest is ready for this. We are *investing* in her future. It's money well spent. We need to lose weight anyway.

The quirky thing about this is that the tuition is LESS than what we paid for Montessori school the last 2.5 years. I think my shock resides in the action of paying tuition in one lump sum instead of the nicely budgeted once a week payment.

Throw in the "only one vendor carries our kind of uniform" factoid and I cringe more. I've been frantically looking online and calling around to various other vendors inquiring if they have this particular mixture of plaid. Nope! But I'm not done yet.....I will succeed.e And she'll look damn cute. Damn Cute is her Indian Princess name after all.

I know I sound really grumpy about the whole experience, but overall, I really am pleased. We love the church, the environment. All of it happened so fast and it feels right. This is where she is supposed to be for now and I trust the process.

So, now that incision is healed. On to a deeper cut....the wallet!

Whoosh!

Incisions

When the family gathers, cards are a favorite pasttime. Before my dad died, the game of choice was Hollywood Gin. Whenever he had to make a choice of what cards to keep or play or discard, instead of saying "decisions, decisions", he would say, "incisions, incisions".

My Eldest is precocious. She is an avid, good reader. By "good", I mean, she excels in reading. She currently has minimal interest in math. By "minimal", I mean, NO interest whatsoever (typical girl, right?). But she can do it according to her Montessori teacher. I'll believe it when I see it. So, in Texas, a child has to be 5 by September 1st in order to be eligible for Kindergarten. My Eldest will be six shortly after the September deadline. I suspect she is more ready for first grade than Kinder.

What do we decide to DO with her? Private? Montessori? Public? So many choices, so much information and I just do know what to DO. I can't DECIDE. Of course, money is also has a hand in the decision. So does location. Most importantly, what can the offer her?? I'm too much of a control freak who wants to keep her in a bubble of un-reality to trust ANYONE at this point-- not even the school at church!

Mix into this salad, the tasty ingredient of "husband currently looking for a new job" then toss!

See my dilemma?

Incisions, incisions.

It's going to be a fun ride! Probably moreso for me than My Eldest.




Whoosh!