Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Logic Is There But The Emotion Doesn't Match

The title of this blog entry is the story of my life these days.

It's so true: timing is everything.

It's good news. VERY good news! Yet, part of me is holding back. Part of me is grieving. Part of me (the selfish part) doesn't welcome this next phase of the moon.

I am trying to swallow my pride, swallow my selfishness and serve the greater good, but I do question "what IS the greater good"? I'm confused. But, I am proceeding with vigilance. I'm not sure what to expect because there will be a giant ripple effect. I'm trying very hard to pray, turn it all over, and hope for the best. I will have lots of traffic in and out of my house. There will be no area in this house where I can have my alone time. Privacy is non-existent here. My Husband's oldest sister has offered to babysit so that My Husband and I could go out once in a while. I appreciate that gesture very, very much! It will be fine. It will be fine. It.Will.Be.Fine.

The good news is ....drum roll please.....that POP IS COMING HOME!

Medicare won't pay anymore. He's been in this skilled nursing unit where basically their residents (not patients) go to die. They don't improve. They seem to only exist there. It's a sad place, really. It's sweet, yet sad. Their rooms are decorated with tidbits of their homes, and few visitors come and go. An aviary is out by the nurses station, which is lovely to observe. But Pop is a patient who is improving. The staff at this facility don't seem to be equipped to handle a progressing patient. They are seemingly hard-wired to maintain and comfort a deteriorating resident. This dichotomy in care has been a point of frustration for all involved: facility staff, Pop, the family.

The rub lies in the fact that Pop is physically not ready to be home yet. He's mentally ready (as are we), and he's matured emotionally (still a lot of work to be done in that department, though). It will be beneficial for him to be around his grandkids and wife, in an environment where he isn't pissed off at people all day long who are ignoring him or neglecting him; where he lays in a plastic bed with a curtain surrounding him to separate him from his always-hacking, non-talking, wife-is-uber-nagging roommate. (The poor guy suffered a stroke and cannot speak or move really.) Pop still needs help getting into a sitting position, as well as a standing position; he cannot walk. He has been working diligently on 'transferring' which will aide in him going from bed to wheelchair, for example. There are some other obstacles that have potential to be fixed. I had hoped that those goals would've been accomplished prior to his discharge, but alas, they were not.

It was originally decided that Pop would go to My Husband's youngest sister's house. But, as time drew nearer to discharge, I could tell my husband was itching to have Pop in *our* house. Seeing as he has been the primary decision maker since day one, combined with his background as a registered nurse, I figured this would be the path he'd want paved.

There are fewer stairs at our house. We have slightly wider hallways; more open space. My house is, in a way, in a good location to other family members and area clinics if we need them. Of course, my mother in law is already here, so that's another good reason to have him here -- they are married after all! :) There might be other factors but I can't think of them right now. (I've had a bad day today.)

Pop is looking forward to coming over and sitting on our deck. I know he's excited to get some sense of normalcy back. Undoubtedly, he is glad to get out of that facility. We, the family, with the support of home healthcare, should be able to serve his needs and return his body to a good percentage of what it was before. Pop can be very stubborn and bossy, so I will be laying down The Law with him: no keg parties during the week, or friends over unless we meet their parents first, say "please" and "thank you", keep your (our living) room clean....y'know...typical stuff.

So, pray for us!! All of us!! It's a good thing. Even if my smile isn't as big as my logic, I really am happy for all of us because getting this giant of a 72 year old man home after seven-plus months in a hospital post near-fatal accident is totally a miracle and nothing short of it!! And it feels gooooooood to revel in that ray of light.

Welcome Home Pop!

1 comment: